History of Rap pt. 3
This is the kind of rap Justin Timberlake should stick to.Also, anything backed by the Roots has to be good.
And in case you missed it...
And in case you missed it...
Cool Whip
I ate a lot of highly processed foods growing up.Spam.
Vienna sausages.
Lunchables pizzas.
Cool Whip.
I loved every minute of it. But Cool Whip was seriously one of my favorite things to eat when I was a kid. It tastes nothing like whipped cream, but who cares. It's freaking delicious.
Anyway, it comes in aerosol can form now. AMAZING. No more dirty spoons; now I can pull a Reddi-wip and squirt it it straight out of the container. I'm assuming this version of Cool Whip still exists because Wikipedia doesn't say anything about it being discontinued (from 2008), but the Kraft website doesn't have pictures of it in aerosol can form. It had better still exist. This is the best invention since... Reddi-wip.
(via Serious Eats)
Although honestly, I don't really understand why Cool Whip needs to be aerosolized in the same way that Reddi-wip does. I mean, I'm assuming that Reddi-wip actually needs the aerosol to whip it, right? Because Reddi-wip kind of melts and disintegrates after being squirted, so that seems logical to me. Maybe. But Cool Whip has the right texture even when it's just sitting around in a tub. So... yes.
Paula Deen Riding Things
So this exists. Get your mind out of the gutter, it's not what you're thinking.
(via Paula Deen Riding Things)
Puce
I was just watching (well, listening to while doing work) Nigella on Youtube, and she said something about using beetroots for a puce-colored dressing. I hadn't really been paying attention to what she was saying before that, but I totally did a double take. How were bright red beets going to turn into a muddy green muck color? And why would you want to "anoint" your griddled halloumi with brownish-green puree?So I Wikipedia'd "puce". And I realized that I had wrongly interpreted the color "puce" for my entire life.
Puce (often misspelled as "puse", "peuse" or "peuce") is a color that is defined as ranging from reddish-brown to purplish-brown, with the latter being the more widely-accepted definition found in reputable sources. Puce is a shade of red.
Puce
(via Wikipedia)
Why in the world did I think it was green?
Probably because it looks like "puke". Which goes to show that you shouldn't rely on your instincts to define English words. If I had it my way, I'd name the color of puce "chartreuse" and vice-versa. Chartreuse is an awesome name but an awful color.
Chartreuse (traditional)
(via Wikipedia)
Cereal marshmallows
Why do people like cereal marshmallows?I love marshmallows (the homemade kind as well as the ungodly, naturally impossible jet-puffed kind). If they had marshmallows at the movie theater, I'd probably plow through a bag before the opening credits had finished. And now that I've gotten that idea in my head, that's probably what I'm going to be sneaking into the movie the next time I go.
So I'm not biased against marshmallows. I just don't understand cereal marshmallows. They're just... dried up pieces of unicorn poop. They're sweet, but they don't have the satisfaction of being airy and chewy. They're just sugar nuggets. Multicolored sugar nuggets.
And this goes for dehydrated things in your cereal in general. I used to eat Special K Red Berries, until I realized I could add REAL strawberries into my cereal.
Anyway, this is a company. Go ahead, click on it. Yes, a company that sells ONLY BAGS OF CEREAL MARSHMALLOWS.
(via Geekologie)
This looks disgusting.
Justin Timberlake
I will let this speak for itself.Never mind, who am I kidding. I'm going to talk about it.
I will be the first to admit that I totally drink Justin Timberlake Kool-Aid. JT has a new movie? Going to see that ish this week. He came out with a clothing line? If I were a nevernude I'd wear those jeans in the shower. He's on SNL? Why watch SNL otherwise? He doesn't have plans for a new album? My heart dies.
Like, let's be honest. I didn't click on this link because of "FreeSol". I clicked on it because it said Justin Timberlake. Duh.
BUT WHY IS HE RAPPING. JT has the most whiteboy voice ever. That's why his weird falsetto has gotten him laid for the past decade. Badass, he is. Hood, he is not. Please, just sing.
Also, just want to get it out there: WHY ARE THEY AUTOTUNING HIS RAPPING. Isn't autotune supposed to keep you in tune? THERE IS NO TUNE WHEN YOU RAP. It's rhythmic talking. Get it straight.
GOOD EATS IS ENDING
Apparently there are only two episodes left. WHYYYYYYYYYYY.I mean I know the reason why. It's been somewhere around 250 episodes, and he's done 14 seasons. I KNOW. But it still hurts my heart.
(via Food Network)
At least the episodes that are left are an hour long, so I can pretend that there are actually four more episodes. But that's like telling yourself that if you cut your slice of cake into four parts, you'll have four cakes, the rationale for which really doesn't make me feel that much better.
August 3rd
Is "National Grab Some Nuts Day." As in the food. But really, we all know what they were thinking.
Tails
Are there bones in tails?You think I'm joking, but I'm totally serious. It took me forever to figure out FOR SURE (at least, for sure enough for me) if dogs had bones in their tails. Google really failed me yesterday. How?
1. I Googled "dog bones." That was obviously a bad search. Next.
2. I Googled "dog x-ray." Apparently a lot of people like to have their computer wallpapers set as the x-ray of a dog. Weird? Just me? Definitely not. Computer wallpaper sites are not definitive sources, though, so my question still stands.
3. "Dog skeletal system." Much more helpful, but then I started questioning whether the tail bones in the pictures were really cartilage, because 1. people sometimes draw skeletons with attached cartilage and it looks like bone even if it's not, 2. x-rays can show cartilage, and 3. dog tails just don't feel bony.
4. "Broken dog tail." Because in my mind, right, if your dog can have a broken tail, that means that there are bones in there to break! Genius! Except that the only hits I got were hits from Yahoo answers asking "My dog is wagging weird and its tail is bent and it's sad. Is its tail broken?" and that is obviously not a good source to be looking at.
5. Wikipedia. ALL THEY TELL ME IS THAT THERE ARE DIFFERENT KINDS OF TAILS. Straight tails, bushy tails, droopy tails. I got more information about bones in HUMAN tails on Wikipedia than information about dog tails. PLUS Wikipedia brings up how to dock a dog's tail, which makes me even more confused because how do you dock a tail if there are bones in it?
So what did I learn? I learned that pig tails have bones.
(via Nose to Tail at Home)
So, I mean, if even tiny curly PIG tails have bones, that means dogs HAVE to have bones in their tails. Right?
Good enough for me. I'm going to bed.
Tongues
Is this really necessary.
(via Sneaker News)
I know these are old, but WHAT. WHY.
Can you imagine walking with these on? Sneaker tongues are usually held in by your shoelaces, right? So what do these do? Flap in the wind? There are many question marks in this paragraph, indicating ALL THE QUESTIONS I HAVE ABOUT THESE SHOES.
Mike Rowe
I'm not the biggest fan of the show "Dirty Jobs". Summary: Mike Rowe wades through human excrement like he's in the Maldives, and gets it all up in his nether bits (which sounds disgusting but is, ironically, where the excrement journey started in the first place. HARHARHAR).Really not that appetizing to me.
I do, however, like this, which I saw on reddit. Turns out Mike Rowe used to sell for QVC. He's selling a cat bag here.
A bag.
For cats.
Which sounds morbidly like something a cat killer would want when he/she is throwing his/her cat into a pond, but it really isn't.
Really on a roll of inappropriate jokes today.
Street Cleaning Simulator
I've always wanted to drive a Zamboni. I never, however, have ever had any reason to want to drive a street cleaner. Regardless, someone thought it would be a genius idea to come up with a game called "Street Cleaning Simulator".WHY.
Gamespot rates it a 1.5 out of 10. That is how bad this game is. The point of the game is to clean up garbage on the street. Gamespot:
Missions range from "clean up some sand from the gutter" to "clean up some grass from the gutter" by way of "clean up some gravel from the gutter." This cleanup is achieved by driving really, really slowly in a mostly straight line. As soon as you've worked out whether a mission requires water or not (clue: the mayor tells you), it's down to business; drive to a location marked on the map, position the brush, crawl along really slowly.
But, you say, Flight Simulator can be fun! There are so many buttons and levers to keep track of in Flight Simulator! You fly over awesome cities and oceans! Doesn't Street Cleaning Simulator have the same features?
No. It really doesn't.
(via Gamespot)
Really, just riveting.
Cheesecake chimichangas
Wow.
"A Cheesecake Chimichanga is a warm cheesecake filling wrapped in a fried shell and dusted with powdered sugar. There are also two additional flavors: Mixed Berry and Cinnamon Sugar."
(from Wikipedia)
Oh man, Taco Bueno, what are you THINKING.
(via Taco Bueno)
What they are thinking is genius, apparently, because people on Google like this ish enough to make their own homemade versions.
"Curved Yellow Fruit"
So I saw this picture on some coupon website:
(via Hip2Save)
And then read some of the comments people had left (keep in mind this is a couponing website, so I'm assuming most of these comments are from 30-something parents slash moms):
Think they reuse the sign for yellow squash. “Maybe no one will notice it’s not a fruit.”
My favorite part is that the sign next to it says “BANANA ice mist” not” curved yellow fruit ice mist” Ha ha. Also agree with Skye. One of the gas station chains here sells bananas for 39c everyday.
LOL! 69 cents is about the going rate for curved yellow fruit at most stores around here. We love them, so I am always looking for a deal.
I am laughing so hard. I had to share this with my family.What is that thing called again, it’s at the tip of my tongue, people like to eat it for breakfast…
THEY ALL MISSED THE BEST PART OF THE PICTURE. HOW DID NO ONE COMMENT ON THE FACT THAT IT IS 69 CENTS. HARHARHARHARHARHARHARHARHARH
[edit] Wow, really looking like grocery day here on the trivia handbook.
Tofu Pups
You've seen Smart Dogs in the grocery store, right?
(via Lightlife)
Even though I'm not vegetarian, these really don't look that bad. As in the packaging/name just makes them sound like healthy hot dogs. Smart Dogs are... smart... for you!
Versus this:
(via Lightlife)
Really... just... yes. That is what they are.
If you want to see someone make pigs in a blanket with tofu pups and sugar cookies, go here. Or really I'm just going to embed it for you lazies.
Cheap things
Today I bought a Wedgewood/Vera Wang plate from Bed Bath and Beyond for 98 cents. 98 CENTS!!1!!1!Which got me thinking about the best places to find legitimately good things in the clearance section:
1. Target Dollar Spot. Do I need a monkey-shaped piggy bank? Do I want Hello Kitty sandwich bags? WHO CARES? IT'S A DOLLAR.
2. Abercrombie and Fitch. Pro: The only place where you can find a pair of jeans at $60 at the front of the store, but then find what looks like THE SAME PAIR OF JEANS for $10 in the clearance section. Con: you might not make it to the back of the store due to scent overload.
3. Kohl's, sometimes. My mom used to buy pots there. So if you like pots.
And some places that never have good clearance stuff at all, ever:
1. Best Buy. I really believe that only rich old people buy things from Best Buy because they are both scared enough of technology that they would pay Geek Squad $50 to plug their new computer in for them, as well as so intimidated by Amazon that they'd rather pay double the online price for the privilege of having a zit-covered teenager scan their items.
2. Sephora, but I actually don't care that much because their sample policy is so awesome. Also, the man who did my makeup last time I went in taught me how to fix my dried-up gel eyeliner, and THAT information was worth at least $10. Especially because Google definitely did not ever tell me that adding eye cream to gel eyeliner was a thing.
Lenovos
Am I the only person out there who uses a computer with a TrackPoint?
(via Wikipedia) This picture looks a little bit sexual. Sorry.
I don't have a trackpad on my computer. Instead, I have this rubber nub in the middle of my keyboard to control my cursor with.
When it works, I like it.
But mine is worn, and now has no more little nubbins on top of it, so it's REALLY hard sometimes to move my cursor. And then I end up writing "hhhhhhhhh" instead because the H is right next to my TrackPoint and I press it when my finger slips off the nub. Which is quite a lot. But I am too lazy to order a new one online.
[edit] "hhhhhhhhhh is not in your contacts." "hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - nothing found for that search." "search results for hhhhhhhhhh - no messages matched your search." "hhhhhh - friend not found." OMG WHEN WILL IT END.
Ctrl + T
How could I have been alive for so long without knowing what ctrl + T does. This. Is. Amazing.
(picture via this blog)
^Wow. The url for this blog is fantasticbutterrainbow.blogspot.com.
Butter and rainbows are both fantastic. Maybe even butter on rainbows. Or rainbows made of butter. Like a Pop-Tarts commercial with butter-flavored filling. Only that sounds disgusting and not really fantastic at all.
Today's fact of the day (ctrl + T, not butter rainbows) was brought to you by The Daily Grace. Go watch her. She is funny. Also maybe 78% drunk all the time. I have learned almost nothing from her, except for what ctrl + T is. And even that was actually learned through Google, because I had to Google it after watching her to find out what it really did. So really not that informative, to be honest.
The Undefeated
Although I don't put much stock in Rotten Tomatoes (I feel like more than 50% of the reviewers are from tiny hick newspapers, and are therefore not to be trusted - am I a bigot? The answer is yes), I do feel like it says something when your movie gets a 0% rating. Not a non-rating, a rating of actually zero.Cue Sarah Palin. I love it. I would go see it if it were in my local movie theaters. Sadly, it is not. The previous statement is also a bit of an exaggeration, because I don't think I would see it at all, in the slightest.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
