History of Rap pt. 3
This is the kind of rap Justin Timberlake should stick to.Also, anything backed by the Roots has to be good.
And in case you missed it...
And in case you missed it...
Cool Whip
I ate a lot of highly processed foods growing up.Spam.
Vienna sausages.
Lunchables pizzas.
Cool Whip.
I loved every minute of it. But Cool Whip was seriously one of my favorite things to eat when I was a kid. It tastes nothing like whipped cream, but who cares. It's freaking delicious.
Anyway, it comes in aerosol can form now. AMAZING. No more dirty spoons; now I can pull a Reddi-wip and squirt it it straight out of the container. I'm assuming this version of Cool Whip still exists because Wikipedia doesn't say anything about it being discontinued (from 2008), but the Kraft website doesn't have pictures of it in aerosol can form. It had better still exist. This is the best invention since... Reddi-wip.
(via Serious Eats)
Although honestly, I don't really understand why Cool Whip needs to be aerosolized in the same way that Reddi-wip does. I mean, I'm assuming that Reddi-wip actually needs the aerosol to whip it, right? Because Reddi-wip kind of melts and disintegrates after being squirted, so that seems logical to me. Maybe. But Cool Whip has the right texture even when it's just sitting around in a tub. So... yes.
Paula Deen Riding Things
So this exists. Get your mind out of the gutter, it's not what you're thinking.
(via Paula Deen Riding Things)
Puce
I was just watching (well, listening to while doing work) Nigella on Youtube, and she said something about using beetroots for a puce-colored dressing. I hadn't really been paying attention to what she was saying before that, but I totally did a double take. How were bright red beets going to turn into a muddy green muck color? And why would you want to "anoint" your griddled halloumi with brownish-green puree?So I Wikipedia'd "puce". And I realized that I had wrongly interpreted the color "puce" for my entire life.
Puce (often misspelled as "puse", "peuse" or "peuce") is a color that is defined as ranging from reddish-brown to purplish-brown, with the latter being the more widely-accepted definition found in reputable sources. Puce is a shade of red.
Puce
(via Wikipedia)
Why in the world did I think it was green?
Probably because it looks like "puke". Which goes to show that you shouldn't rely on your instincts to define English words. If I had it my way, I'd name the color of puce "chartreuse" and vice-versa. Chartreuse is an awesome name but an awful color.
Chartreuse (traditional)
(via Wikipedia)
Cereal marshmallows
Why do people like cereal marshmallows?I love marshmallows (the homemade kind as well as the ungodly, naturally impossible jet-puffed kind). If they had marshmallows at the movie theater, I'd probably plow through a bag before the opening credits had finished. And now that I've gotten that idea in my head, that's probably what I'm going to be sneaking into the movie the next time I go.
So I'm not biased against marshmallows. I just don't understand cereal marshmallows. They're just... dried up pieces of unicorn poop. They're sweet, but they don't have the satisfaction of being airy and chewy. They're just sugar nuggets. Multicolored sugar nuggets.
And this goes for dehydrated things in your cereal in general. I used to eat Special K Red Berries, until I realized I could add REAL strawberries into my cereal.
Anyway, this is a company. Go ahead, click on it. Yes, a company that sells ONLY BAGS OF CEREAL MARSHMALLOWS.
(via Geekologie)
This looks disgusting.
Justin Timberlake
I will let this speak for itself.Never mind, who am I kidding. I'm going to talk about it.
I will be the first to admit that I totally drink Justin Timberlake Kool-Aid. JT has a new movie? Going to see that ish this week. He came out with a clothing line? If I were a nevernude I'd wear those jeans in the shower. He's on SNL? Why watch SNL otherwise? He doesn't have plans for a new album? My heart dies.
Like, let's be honest. I didn't click on this link because of "FreeSol". I clicked on it because it said Justin Timberlake. Duh.
BUT WHY IS HE RAPPING. JT has the most whiteboy voice ever. That's why his weird falsetto has gotten him laid for the past decade. Badass, he is. Hood, he is not. Please, just sing.
Also, just want to get it out there: WHY ARE THEY AUTOTUNING HIS RAPPING. Isn't autotune supposed to keep you in tune? THERE IS NO TUNE WHEN YOU RAP. It's rhythmic talking. Get it straight.
GOOD EATS IS ENDING
Apparently there are only two episodes left. WHYYYYYYYYYYY.I mean I know the reason why. It's been somewhere around 250 episodes, and he's done 14 seasons. I KNOW. But it still hurts my heart.
(via Food Network)
At least the episodes that are left are an hour long, so I can pretend that there are actually four more episodes. But that's like telling yourself that if you cut your slice of cake into four parts, you'll have four cakes, the rationale for which really doesn't make me feel that much better.
August 3rd
Is "National Grab Some Nuts Day." As in the food. But really, we all know what they were thinking.
Tails
Are there bones in tails?You think I'm joking, but I'm totally serious. It took me forever to figure out FOR SURE (at least, for sure enough for me) if dogs had bones in their tails. Google really failed me yesterday. How?
1. I Googled "dog bones." That was obviously a bad search. Next.
2. I Googled "dog x-ray." Apparently a lot of people like to have their computer wallpapers set as the x-ray of a dog. Weird? Just me? Definitely not. Computer wallpaper sites are not definitive sources, though, so my question still stands.
3. "Dog skeletal system." Much more helpful, but then I started questioning whether the tail bones in the pictures were really cartilage, because 1. people sometimes draw skeletons with attached cartilage and it looks like bone even if it's not, 2. x-rays can show cartilage, and 3. dog tails just don't feel bony.
4. "Broken dog tail." Because in my mind, right, if your dog can have a broken tail, that means that there are bones in there to break! Genius! Except that the only hits I got were hits from Yahoo answers asking "My dog is wagging weird and its tail is bent and it's sad. Is its tail broken?" and that is obviously not a good source to be looking at.
5. Wikipedia. ALL THEY TELL ME IS THAT THERE ARE DIFFERENT KINDS OF TAILS. Straight tails, bushy tails, droopy tails. I got more information about bones in HUMAN tails on Wikipedia than information about dog tails. PLUS Wikipedia brings up how to dock a dog's tail, which makes me even more confused because how do you dock a tail if there are bones in it?
So what did I learn? I learned that pig tails have bones.
(via Nose to Tail at Home)
So, I mean, if even tiny curly PIG tails have bones, that means dogs HAVE to have bones in their tails. Right?
Good enough for me. I'm going to bed.
Tongues
Is this really necessary.
(via Sneaker News)
I know these are old, but WHAT. WHY.
Can you imagine walking with these on? Sneaker tongues are usually held in by your shoelaces, right? So what do these do? Flap in the wind? There are many question marks in this paragraph, indicating ALL THE QUESTIONS I HAVE ABOUT THESE SHOES.
Mike Rowe
I'm not the biggest fan of the show "Dirty Jobs". Summary: Mike Rowe wades through human excrement like he's in the Maldives, and gets it all up in his nether bits (which sounds disgusting but is, ironically, where the excrement journey started in the first place. HARHARHAR).Really not that appetizing to me.
I do, however, like this, which I saw on reddit. Turns out Mike Rowe used to sell for QVC. He's selling a cat bag here.
A bag.
For cats.
Which sounds morbidly like something a cat killer would want when he/she is throwing his/her cat into a pond, but it really isn't.
Really on a roll of inappropriate jokes today.
Street Cleaning Simulator
I've always wanted to drive a Zamboni. I never, however, have ever had any reason to want to drive a street cleaner. Regardless, someone thought it would be a genius idea to come up with a game called "Street Cleaning Simulator".WHY.
Gamespot rates it a 1.5 out of 10. That is how bad this game is. The point of the game is to clean up garbage on the street. Gamespot:
Missions range from "clean up some sand from the gutter" to "clean up some grass from the gutter" by way of "clean up some gravel from the gutter." This cleanup is achieved by driving really, really slowly in a mostly straight line. As soon as you've worked out whether a mission requires water or not (clue: the mayor tells you), it's down to business; drive to a location marked on the map, position the brush, crawl along really slowly.
But, you say, Flight Simulator can be fun! There are so many buttons and levers to keep track of in Flight Simulator! You fly over awesome cities and oceans! Doesn't Street Cleaning Simulator have the same features?
No. It really doesn't.
(via Gamespot)
Really, just riveting.
Cheesecake chimichangas
Wow.
"A Cheesecake Chimichanga is a warm cheesecake filling wrapped in a fried shell and dusted with powdered sugar. There are also two additional flavors: Mixed Berry and Cinnamon Sugar."
(from Wikipedia)
Oh man, Taco Bueno, what are you THINKING.
(via Taco Bueno)
What they are thinking is genius, apparently, because people on Google like this ish enough to make their own homemade versions.
"Curved Yellow Fruit"
So I saw this picture on some coupon website:
(via Hip2Save)
And then read some of the comments people had left (keep in mind this is a couponing website, so I'm assuming most of these comments are from 30-something parents slash moms):
Think they reuse the sign for yellow squash. “Maybe no one will notice it’s not a fruit.”
My favorite part is that the sign next to it says “BANANA ice mist” not” curved yellow fruit ice mist” Ha ha. Also agree with Skye. One of the gas station chains here sells bananas for 39c everyday.
LOL! 69 cents is about the going rate for curved yellow fruit at most stores around here. We love them, so I am always looking for a deal.
I am laughing so hard. I had to share this with my family.What is that thing called again, it’s at the tip of my tongue, people like to eat it for breakfast…
THEY ALL MISSED THE BEST PART OF THE PICTURE. HOW DID NO ONE COMMENT ON THE FACT THAT IT IS 69 CENTS. HARHARHARHARHARHARHARHARHARH
[edit] Wow, really looking like grocery day here on the trivia handbook.
Tofu Pups
You've seen Smart Dogs in the grocery store, right?
(via Lightlife)
Even though I'm not vegetarian, these really don't look that bad. As in the packaging/name just makes them sound like healthy hot dogs. Smart Dogs are... smart... for you!
Versus this:
(via Lightlife)
Really... just... yes. That is what they are.
If you want to see someone make pigs in a blanket with tofu pups and sugar cookies, go here. Or really I'm just going to embed it for you lazies.
Cheap things
Today I bought a Wedgewood/Vera Wang plate from Bed Bath and Beyond for 98 cents. 98 CENTS!!1!!1!Which got me thinking about the best places to find legitimately good things in the clearance section:
1. Target Dollar Spot. Do I need a monkey-shaped piggy bank? Do I want Hello Kitty sandwich bags? WHO CARES? IT'S A DOLLAR.
2. Abercrombie and Fitch. Pro: The only place where you can find a pair of jeans at $60 at the front of the store, but then find what looks like THE SAME PAIR OF JEANS for $10 in the clearance section. Con: you might not make it to the back of the store due to scent overload.
3. Kohl's, sometimes. My mom used to buy pots there. So if you like pots.
And some places that never have good clearance stuff at all, ever:
1. Best Buy. I really believe that only rich old people buy things from Best Buy because they are both scared enough of technology that they would pay Geek Squad $50 to plug their new computer in for them, as well as so intimidated by Amazon that they'd rather pay double the online price for the privilege of having a zit-covered teenager scan their items.
2. Sephora, but I actually don't care that much because their sample policy is so awesome. Also, the man who did my makeup last time I went in taught me how to fix my dried-up gel eyeliner, and THAT information was worth at least $10. Especially because Google definitely did not ever tell me that adding eye cream to gel eyeliner was a thing.
Lenovos
Am I the only person out there who uses a computer with a TrackPoint?
(via Wikipedia) This picture looks a little bit sexual. Sorry.
I don't have a trackpad on my computer. Instead, I have this rubber nub in the middle of my keyboard to control my cursor with.
When it works, I like it.
But mine is worn, and now has no more little nubbins on top of it, so it's REALLY hard sometimes to move my cursor. And then I end up writing "hhhhhhhhh" instead because the H is right next to my TrackPoint and I press it when my finger slips off the nub. Which is quite a lot. But I am too lazy to order a new one online.
[edit] "hhhhhhhhhh is not in your contacts." "hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - nothing found for that search." "search results for hhhhhhhhhh - no messages matched your search." "hhhhhh - friend not found." OMG WHEN WILL IT END.
Ctrl + T
How could I have been alive for so long without knowing what ctrl + T does. This. Is. Amazing.
(picture via this blog)
^Wow. The url for this blog is fantasticbutterrainbow.blogspot.com.
Butter and rainbows are both fantastic. Maybe even butter on rainbows. Or rainbows made of butter. Like a Pop-Tarts commercial with butter-flavored filling. Only that sounds disgusting and not really fantastic at all.
Today's fact of the day (ctrl + T, not butter rainbows) was brought to you by The Daily Grace. Go watch her. She is funny. Also maybe 78% drunk all the time. I have learned almost nothing from her, except for what ctrl + T is. And even that was actually learned through Google, because I had to Google it after watching her to find out what it really did. So really not that informative, to be honest.
The Undefeated
Although I don't put much stock in Rotten Tomatoes (I feel like more than 50% of the reviewers are from tiny hick newspapers, and are therefore not to be trusted - am I a bigot? The answer is yes), I do feel like it says something when your movie gets a 0% rating. Not a non-rating, a rating of actually zero.Cue Sarah Palin. I love it. I would go see it if it were in my local movie theaters. Sadly, it is not. The previous statement is also a bit of an exaggeration, because I don't think I would see it at all, in the slightest.
Red Sour Patch Kids
In the original mix of flavors in the Sour Patch Kids package, three out of four are pretty obvious. Green is lime, yellow is lemon, and orange is, well, orange.
(via Dylan's Candy Bar)
But what, pray tell, is red?
I had always assumed that red Sour Patch Kids were flavored red. I swear I looked this up a couple of years back, and Google/Wikipedia back then gave me no definitive answer on what flavor red Sour Patch Kids were. I know I did this, because I wouldn't have gone two years telling people that "red tastes like red" without having first looked it up to make sure I didn't sound stupid.
Red Sour Patch Kids aren't cherry; I hate artificial cherry, and I know when something tastes like cherry. Case in point: I was happily eating pomegranate jellybeans yesterday - happily, until I bit into a cherry flavored one. Same color, same texture, HORRIBLE taste. Also, there are cherry Sour Patch that taste disgusting. So not cherry. I was also convinced it was not strawberry, and definitely, definitely not apple.
But then I looked it up again yesterday, and looks like Wikipedia has updated its Sour Patch page:
Sour Patch Kids - are the regular sour patch kids, Lime (green), Lemon (yellow), Orange (orange), and Raspberry (red), which are in equal amounts distributed in every Sour Patch Kids Candy box.
(via Wikipedia)
I mean, I guess. Red Sour Patch Kids taste like raspberry in the same way that pomegranate vodka tastes like pomegranate - you've eliminated every other red-colored option, so now you just have to settle.
[edit] The more I think about this, the more I don't believe that it's really raspberry. Have you ever eaten a Sour Patch Kid who had no sour coating (occasional manufacturer error)? I have, and the red ones taste like Swedish Fish when they're not sour. And Swedish Fish don't have a confirmed flavor, says Wikipedia. Apparently it might be "lingonberry", but I chalk that up to 1. assuming that everything from Sweden is made of lingonberries and 2. the same problem as "raspberry" red Sour Patch Kids. So now we are back at square one.
J. Lo and Marc Anthony
So I heard this on the radio a couple of days ago and meant to post it here, but by the time I had remembered that I was supposed to post it, I had forgotten who I had been supposed to post about. All I could remember was that it was a DIVORCE. And then I read about it and I remembered:J. LO AND MARC ANTHONY ARE GETTING DIVORCED. WHAT.
(via Fox News)
Whose blood will Marc Anthony suck now?
[edit] This is how we know the above picture came from Fox News. Headline for the story:
Scientologists to Be? Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony Are Losing Their ReligionLove it.
Hipsters
I just read one of the most ridiculous articles ever published. The writer is Roe Conn, a 47-year-old radio talk show host who was named by Talker's Magazine as one of "one hundred most influential hosts in America" (at least, that's what Wikipedia says, and I'd be inclined to believe Wikipedia seeing as how I've never read nor heard of Talker's Magazine).This 47-year-old radio talk show host wrote a page-long article about hipsters.
Bad news bears. Oh man, so many bad news bears everywhere.
"Today's hipster is easy to spot. He's often a nightclub owner with his own "production company" (read: He makes videos on his iPhone and uploads them to YouTube). He tweets about every conquest down to the joys of finding the best #gluten-free blueberry muffin @PerfectSouthBeachCafe. His uniform: Ed Hardy shirt and distressed-yet-somehow-dressy jeans, all topped with an oversize baseball cap drawn so deeply over his face that only his earlobes and nostrils are visible."
(Michigan Avenue Magazine, Summer 2011 edition, p. 80)
LOL.
Apparently Roe Conn and I don't live on the same planet. Any self-proclaimed male hipster who tried to wear an "Ed Hardy shirt and distressed-yet-somehow-dressy jeans" into his local dive bar would probably get PBR deliberately thrown in his face. And I really can't even begin to picture what this "oversize baseball cap" would look like. Does he mean New Era? Because I can't think of one person who wears New Era caps who could hashtag #glutenfreeblueberrymuffin with a straight face. Shout out to 50 Cent!
I feel kind of bad for Roe, because it's obvious he tried. He tried so hard. But Roe, an elderly man outfit of vintage Clubmasters, elbow pads, and OG British WWII boots could totally make you hipster burglary bait.
You're closer to trendy than you think.
Lickerish
Yet another common spelling error that I really don't understand -Affect vs. effect: Really? Are we still in elementary school? Something has an effect on you, not an affect. Get it straight.
Also, can everyone please join me in making "lickerish" a viable English word again? "Lascivious; lecherous," says wordnik, and really, doesn't everyone need a word that sounds both less as well as more creepy than "lascivious"? "Lascivious" reminds me of overly friendly old uncles who give See's Candies to their nieces and nephews with a creepy smile. "Lickerish" makes me think of these same old uncles as if they all resembled Lickitung.
(via Bulbapedia)
Skunks
Skunks are actually pretty cute. I don't think most people know that skunks are cute because they don't take the time to really look at a skunk before running in the other direction. I always assumed skunks were just smelly badger-type animals.
(via Narragansett Pest Control)
See? Skunk couple is adorable!
Also, I can't be the only person who thought that skunks had only one white stripe. But they have two! Also, there are SPOTTED SKUNKS.
(via Wikipedia)
So that's exciting.
Britney Spears impersonator
I just watched a bunch of awesome Youtube videos featuring British people, and I'm speaking in an English accent in my head as I type. I also feel as if my writing has become more British sounding as a result, but that may just be a consequence of the accent. Which would make sense, seeing as I don't really know what the difference between British and American writing would be, exactly, besides saying things like "quid" and "polo" and "Her Majesty".Also, as I write this, I'm beginning to realize that I may or may not have an obsession with boys and/or men who do lady-dances. Whether or not this is a good thing remains to be seen. Perhaps I harbor a subconscious fetish for such things. A fetish that my poor, poor boyfriend will discover in years to come when I make him wear a cone bra to bed.
And now I have stalled for far too long (see, doesn't that sound British to you? "FARH too long"). The point: I don't watch America's Got Talent. Watching this video (which, conveniently, I was turned on to by the same British Youtube videos I spoke of earlier) has convinced me that I, perhaps, should.
Francis Lam
There aren't many blogs that I enjoy reading purely for their written content.There are plenty of monstrously informative blogs (Gizmodo for all its nerdy glory), pretty-picture-blogs (The Sartorialist, which is full of bicycles and cuffed pants and girls with cuffed pants riding bicycles), and, my favorite, food blogs (I spend most of my time looking at pictures of chocolate-covered bacon and homemade pistachio gelato). But there are very few blogs that consistently make me laugh. One of them, as this blog has hinted at, is Go Fug Yourself. Another is Hyperbole and a Half, of which the only flaw is extremely infrequent updates (something I'm actually guilty of myself, so now I'm just being judgy and hypocritical). And yet neither of these blogs talk about food.
NO LONGER MUST I SUFFER.
I'm realizing how utterly scary it would be to be a parent with Biscoff spread in the house. I mean, imagine being a kid and realizing that there is a jar of something that makes everything taste like cookies.
Thank you, Francis Lam, for giving me my laugh out loud moment of the day. From now on, I will carry little packages of Biscoff spread (yes, that would be the SPREADABLE VERSION OF DELTA COOKIES) in my purse to give to small children, who can then terrorize their parents with it. To the parents of the world, you are welcome. I promise I am not as creepy as this previous sentence may have made me out to be.
Read his awesome Salon column, Sacrificial Lam, here.
[edit] Boo, I just realized his most recent post was in April. Sigh.
Expensive perfume
Who needs a $865 bottle of perfume? NO ONE. Why would you even want $865 worth of perfume? You probably lose 75% of your investment every time you use your perfume. That is crazy talk.Now, I know there are more expensive perfumes out there. But for those perfumes, you're paying mostly for the bottle, which you can at least proudly display and maybe sell for cash. This bottle is just PAINTED gold. It doesn't specify what "gold" means, so it could just be gold paint. $865 gold paint that they could have picked up at Lowes in a spray can.
(via Neiman Marcus)
P.S: They are very proud to be "recognized by the Guinness Book of Records as the world's most expensive perfume". So proud that they've put it on every website I've seen them at.
Also, here's a list of perfume notes from the same Neiman Marcus page:
• A floral-oriental fragrance. • Top notes of pineapple, plum, mirabelle, bergamot, lemon, and cardamom. • Heart notes of rose, jasmine, ylang ylang, orris, and orchid.• Base notes of vanilla, tonka seeds, cedarwood, sandalwood, and musk amber.• In a 1.6-ounce painted gold bottle engraved with the signature crown of Queen Victoria.
This is why I am skeptical. I've heard of all these ingredients before, in bottles of perfume much cheaper than this. I have a lemon in my fridge. I have vanilla extract in my pantry. I have roses in my backyard, jasmine in my tea, as well as three pineapples in my dining room (HAHA!). And I could probably find the signature crown of Queen Victoria on Google and stencil it to a gold colored bottle. So there's that.
Perfect hair
This doesn't really fall under the umbrella of "trivia", but I'm posting it anyway because his hair is beautiful. It is like angel hair. But not angel hair as in the pasta, angel hair as in real live angels.
(via The Sartorialist)
Expensive lip balm
Let me preface this by saying that I can understand why some people dish out for expensive eye creams and face creams. I personally wouldn't pay hundreds of dollars for a tub of face cream, but for the wrinkle- and age-defying-obsessed, face-skin is often a pretty transparent indicator of age. But lip balm? That, my friends, is in my mind much more questionable.Anyway, I was on the Bliss website today. Just for fun, seeing as how I'm not going to dish out the money to buy Bliss products unless they go on some super clearance-sale-extravaganza.
Case #1: $16 Bliss lip balm.
I don't know about you, but I kind of balk at paying any more than $5 (maximum) for a tube of lip balm, especially considering that I haven't finished an entire tube at any point in the past two years. A tiny tube of lip balm should not cost more than an entire bottle of body lotion. So I already thought $16 was pretty freaking expensive.
Case #2: $35 La Mer lip balm.
$35? For a "potent concentration of Miracle Broth™"? What in the world is Miracle Broth™? Diamond chicken bones? Platinum oxtails?
AND YET.
Case #3: $70 Sisley lip balm.
See, now I think they're just pushing up the price for fun. No way each pot of this lip balm costs $70 freaking dollars to make. Unless it contains something like saber-toothed cat semen extracted from glaciers made of mastodon tears. Which I don't think it does.
Brand reps, if you want to prove me wrong, I will gladly accept freebies. You are welcome.
Clowns
Is clown-phobia a recent phenomenon? Because otherwise, I really can't come up with any reason McDonald's and Jack in the Box have clowns as their mascots.Logic: most kids hate clowns. Most kids love fast food. Clowns make fast food scary. Kids will hate fast food chains that feature clowns.
Perhaps clowns used to be lovable?
Hm. Perhaps not.
(pictures via Wikipedia and Foodbeast) - and yes, I did choose the picture of Ronald McDonald with Enrique Iglesias on purpose.
Stripper Academy and other ANTM stories
Apparently, that brunette is Katie Cleary from ANTM Season 1 (not that I know who she is, but you know. Whatever).
(via Amazon)
I quote:
The owner of a high class strip club decides to recruit more beauties by co-founding the Stripper Academy. This sophisticated boot camp teaches dancers how to move and grove like the experienced pros. The academy will accept anyone, but only a few can make it to the top of the pole.WHY BOTHER. JUST WATCH PR0NS.
As one disappointed Amazon reviewer said, "It couldn't arouse anyone if it came with free Viagra". Poor Katie.
But it gets better. Remember blonde Amanda Swafford? I feel kind of bad now because I just remembered that she was the half-blind girl from Season 3, so I feel like I shouldn't call attention to her faltering modeling career.
Oh well.
(via bellasugar)
Felt it! Stitch it! Fabulous!
Sounds like Christian Siriano if he joined a knitting group at the age of 63. With Johnny Weir.
Poodle fur
I totally thought that poodle haircuts were invented purely for show. I WAS SO WRONG.The stylish "Poodle clip" was designed by hunters to help the dogs move through the water more efficiently. The patches of hair left on the body are meant to protect vital organs and joints which are susceptible to cold.(via AKC)
(via Showdog.com)
EHEHEHEHEHE. Thanks to the friend who told me about this.
Alton Brown's eating habits
New York Magazine online has this running series called "The Grub Street Diet" where models/chefs/miscellaneous celebrities document their meals for a couple of days. So far I have found out that Jonathan Adler falls asleep eating cookies, that Wyatt Cenac (from The Daily Show) drinks an ungodly amount of mint juleps, and that Andy Cohen eats exactly like how you would expect Andy Cohen would eat. Also that he counts the number of nuts he eats at each meal (maybe).I love Alton Brown. Seriously, I don't know what I would do without Good Eats. And when I watched that one episode where he writes about how he dieted because he was getting too fat, I thought he was totally awesome for controlling his weight before it got out of hand. In my eyes, Alton Brown can do no wrong.
Side note: I totally can't write when I'm listening to music. It just took me a good ten minutes to get those last two paragraphs out because I kept losing my train of thought. You'd think that I would have learned sometime in the last four years NOT to multitask with music. Alas, you'd be mistaken. I have not learned at all. I may even have negative-learned.
So, you can imagine how excited I was when I saw that he had been profiled on The Grub Street Diet. I thought I'd stumbled upon some blend of deliciousness and health and magic. That's what you'd think too, right? Awesome Alton Brown has to have a similarly awesome diet. ALAS.
Tuesday, October 5
For breakfast, I had Wasa bread and two strawberries and coffee — the Wasa had nothing on it, and I was eating the high-fiber Wasa on top of that! I didn't have anything to go on top — some peanut butter would have been nice, but I didn't have any because I left my jar of it at home.
For lunch, I had a can of sardines in oil.
I had an afternoon snack of a banana, also from the same fruit plate delivered by the hotel. Dinner was a handful of mixed nuts containing almonds, hazelnuts, Brazil nuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, and pecans.
"Dinner was a handful of mixed nuts"??!! ALTON BROWN WHAT ARE YOU DOING. That is dinner for NO ONE. You know who would have thought that was a good dinner? MY HAMSTER. My sixteen-pound dog eats more than his entire meal for breakfast. Also, how did he manage to split a fruit plate into two separate meals? I ate an entire two pints of blueberries yesterday in an hour. I also ate nuts... before I ate my real snack, which was half a bagel, leftover salad, some more blueberries, and a plate of watermelon. And then I ate dinner an hour later.
Alton Brown, my love for you remains. But you need to eat more. Nut medley does not a dinner make.
[edit] OMG WASA BREAD ISN'T EVEN BREAD. IT IS PACKAGED CRACKERS.
(via CalorieLab)
Munchkin cats
On occasion, my friends contribute ideas for blog topics. Sleeping whales, for example. This is one of those occasions.
(via Munchkincats)
"But this is an adorable cat," you say. "Why are you posting pictures of cute animals? This is not cuteoverload. com. What do you think you're doing?"
What I am doing, my friends, is THIS.
(via Pusscats.com)
PUSSCATS.COM? Excuse me while I snort coffee out of my nose like an immature fifth grader.
Also, this cat is essentially the opposite of a serval. Everything is perfectly proportional except for its teeny, teeny legs. If this cat were ever chased by a fox or other similar predator, it would be gouged open for suresies. Seriously, how fast does this thing run? Like 0.01 miles an hour?
And since we are now on the topic of animals with tiny legs, am I the only one who gets slightly depressed when I see dachshunds rolling around on hind-leg wheelchairs? I wonder if munchkin cats need to use wheelchairs when their backs give out too.
Dancing Asian boy revisited
The gift that keeps on giving is the best gift of all.Remember this? I take back everything I said about him not being embraced by society and possibly feeling ashamed about his cross-dressing in his later years. I had no faith in him, and for that I apologize. Because TAIWAN LOVES HIM.
He was in a Jolin Tsai dancing contest. Judged by Jolin Tsai herself. Also, he was on multiple Taiwanese talk shows. He's FAMOUS in Taiwan now for his dancing. For reals.
I have been rendered speechless. There are so many videos of him. In one of them, he stripped off his shirt and did a sexy wave thing. I just watched one of him doing Christina Aguilera's "Express", the link for which is here. I would never post a video of myself in such a very short, very sequined dress, complete with fishnets. Conclusion: he has out-womaned me.
UPDATE: cat-eared wig dance.
Things I hate
- I hate that you can't take emails back if you send them accidentally. Someone should really program a "retrieve" button for emails other than those in a closed business email system. I would, except I know nothing about programming.
- I hate when I drink tea and I have to pee three times more than usual. I especially hate it when I'm about to embark on a long road trip, but I really want some tea, and I drink it anyway. It's like knowingly signing my own death warrant.
- I hate when I go to the gym all ready to work out, and then I find out my iPod is out of battery because I forgot to charge it the night before, and then I have to work out for the entire hour pissed off and without music. I also hate it when I go to the gym and my iPod is working perfectly fine, but then I rip my stupid cheap headphones in half and I still can't listen to my music even though I have a functional iPod (granted, this only happened once).
- I hate when I lose something and I have to keep looking for it nonstop until I find it, because I know if I stop looking it will be gone forever and I will never see it again. Sort of like how cop shows say that there's a certain time frame within which a kidnapped person has to be found before the probability of finding them alive drops to almost zero. Except that my stuff is never kidnapped, it's just lost.
- I hate Bobby Flay.
- Update to #1: I also know absolutely nothing about HTML, as seen by my complete inability to fix a simple problem that I managed to mess up three hours ago. I hate HTML. Time to start learning how to do basic things like HTML so I don't waste another three hours of my future life redoing my dumb blog.
Radioactive wolves
Thanks to The Bloggess, I now know that there is a show (or a potential show, I'm not sure which) called "Radioactive Wolves". The link is here. And in case you are too lazy to click on the link, here is a screenshot of the video in the link.
Unfortunately, this video is underwhelming. Like, really underwhelming. Radioactive wolves just look like... wolves. No third eye, no horns, no Wolverine-X-Men-type-adamantium claws. NONE.
And these wolves don't even DO anything interesting. They just go about normal wolf-lives, living in abandoned Chernobyl factories and hunting radioactive beavers. Honestly, the only thing different about them is that they're radioactive. And while that might make for a great/horrifying study on the state of the world's wildlife today, it does not live up to the expectations of a TV show titled "Radioactive Wolves".
Speaking of wolverines, they're actually not scary-looking at all. You'd think they would look like small, vicious wolves, but they don't. They look like fox-beaver stuffed animals.
(picture via Wikipedia)
Seriously, what would we do without Wikipedia.
Taking On Tyson
If I were to tell you that there was a show called "Taking On Tyson" (featuring heavyweight boxer Mike Tyson, of course), what would be your first reaction?I thought it was going to be a show about ordinary, dumb people trying to fight Mike Tyson in a controlled boxing ring, and their spectacular losses. Or perhaps a show where Mike Tyson trains the next great boxing legend. You know, something like that. But I was so wrong.
"Taking On Tyson" is about Mike Tyson RAISING HOMING PIGEONS. A picture:
(via Animal Planet)
YES. THAT IS MIKE TYSON CUDDLING WITH A PIGEON. Animal Planet says:
Heavyweight boxing legend and Brooklyn native Mike Tyson has always loved breeding and raising pigeons. These birds have been an integral part of his life since his childhood. In fact, Mike threw his first punch when a neighborhood bully killed one of his beloved pigeons and threw it in his face.I'm not the only one who thinks this is bizarre, am I? Seriously, look at that picture. You have this huge man with a FACE TATTOO lovingly looking at a pigeon. WUT.
The video clips are, if possible, even more mind-boggling. This is Mike Tyson returning to his childhood home:
Now, usually when you have a montage of the hood, it's accompanied by a nostalgic narrator talking about how he/she was able to rise up and get out of the neighborhood, but who still misses his/her home. Am I right? Instead, this montage (featuring, if you forgot, MIKE TYSON) shows how Mike Tyson goes home and talks about PIGEONS.
And now he races pigeons with old Italian men. Imagine THE Mike Tyson sitting around with a group of 50-year-old, slightly overweight grandfathers, racing his pigeons. Bizarre.
Whales sleeping
Whales sleep vertically. Per the BBC:
Video footage showed six sperm whales eerily floating vertically in a motionless manner, with their heads either at or just below the surface of the sea.See video on the link above.
(via Living Seas)
Servals
Point 1: Did you know that leopards aren't in the genus Leopardus? How counterintuitive. They're in the genus Panthera along with lions and tigers (and bears, oh my!) and jaguars. Which leads me to my second point...Point 2: Panthers don't really exist. Jungle Book totally lied to me/us, because black panthers are just black versions of the big cats. So a black jaguar is a panther. A black leopard is a panther. And a black cougar (which isn't even in the Panthera genus, it's in the Puma genus, so that's dumb too) is, yes, a panther. And panthers don't even have to be BLACK - there are white panthers, and even just NORMAL COLORED PANTHERS (so a NORMAL COLORED LEOPARD CAN BE CALLED A PANTHER EVEN THOUGH IT'S JUST A LEOPARD), meaning that it's just a dumb name for a cat.
Point 3: Why don't black lions exist? And why is it so rare for a tiger to be melanistic? If all these cats (i.e. leopards and jaguars) are in the same genus, shouldn't lions and tigers just as easily be genetically melanistic/black?
Point 4: This is the real point i wanted to make. LOOK AT THIS SERVAL:
(via Wikipedia)
THEIR HEADS ARE NATURALLY THAT SMALL.
(via Wikipedia)
Sharks vs. lions
I have no idea how I happened to come across this video. I think I was having a conversation with someone on who would win in a battle between sharks and lions. I don't remember what the conversation was that led up to it. Then I Googled "shark vs. lion" and I found this.
Steampunk follow-up
STEAMPUNK TIME MACHINE. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY.
Also, let me zoom in for you:
WHAT.
(via Etsy and The Bloggess)
Sassy Gay Friend
HAHAHHAHAHA. He saves the lives of weepy dramatic girls everywhere. Watch Black Swan AND THEN WATCH THIS.
(via Sassy Gay Friend Meme)
Bonus: OTHELLO.
WHY ARE YOU STILL IN THE BED?!
Shellfish
I killed my first clams yesterday. 24 hours later, I still feel guilty for steaming them to death. I don't know how people can boil lobsters and crabs alive; clams look like rocks and I still feel like I did a horrible thing. I mean, I know people have that whole debate about whether or not invertebrates can feel pain and can suffer, but I feel sometimes that people just say that to make themselves feel better about squashing centipedes and boiling lobsters and things. Scientific testing is inconclusive, so I don't really believe that they absolutely don't feel pain. Which bothers me.I don't really have a problem with eating shellfish if it comes to me covered in SAWCE and looking delicious. But the act of killing them makes me sad.
The problem is, I love eating clams. What a dilemma.
The "problem" of male-female communication
While I love Modern Family, they did something this week that really irked me, because the premise of the "problem" they presented was totally WRONG. So there's this husband and wife in the show, a couple with two daughters. One of the daughters wore her sister's favorite sweater, and subsequently ripped it on accident on her way out of the house. The mom sees it, and, knowing that the other daughter would go batshit crazy if she found out her favorite sweater had been ruined, she decides to go out and help her daughter find exactly the same sweater to replace it, so that the sister won't notice.
(via Hulu)
Now, while she is in the car, she calls her husband and explains to him what she is doing, and how she's having a horrible day, and how she needs to drive around to all these stores to find this sweater, and how she wants him to make dinner because she's really busy. The husband replies, "you should just tell her; I'm sure she'll understand", followed with, "just get her a similar sweater; I'm sure she won't notice", followed by "I'm just saying there's a simpler way to do this" (paraphrased, of course). After she hangs up on him angrily, all the women around him are like, "Oh, no, she just wants you to support her, blah blah blah," and he's all like, "What, you mean she doesn't want me to solve her problems?" and they're all like "No, women just want you to listen to them". So the moral of the story is that men want to solve problems when women talk to them, and women just want someone to hear them out. BUT THIS TOTALLY DIDN'T HAPPEN HERE.
OK, so imagine you're this wife, right? What is the husband saying to you? He's pretty much saying that what you're doing is dumb, there's another way to do this that I THE AMAZING GENIUS THOUGHT OF AND YOU OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO DUMB. Because duh, this dumb wife definitely didn't think of just EXPLAINING it to her daughter. SHE OBVIOUSLY THOUGHT THROUGH IT. AND SHE OBVIOUSLY DECIDED THAT IT WAS A BAD IDEA.
So if it were you, what would you be mad about? I wouldn't be mad about him offering suggestions, I'd be mad about him thinking he was smarter than me and talking down at me because what I'm doing is so ridiculous compared to his brilliant idea. If you're going to help me solve a problem, give me a real solution. And if you don't have a good solution, DON'T SAY ANYTHING. Example: "I think she bought it at this store; you should go there and look." "She goes to this mall all the time, it's probably going to be somewhere there." "I know it's this brand, do you know where you could find that?" THAT'S THE KIND OF ADVICE I WANT. I've obviously thought through all your stupid suggestions and decided that my decision is the best. If you have nothing to contribute to my solution, really, don't say anything. Don't try to pretend you're smarter than me and that you came up with a better idea in the two seconds I just spent complaining about my problem.
Case in point: let's say you're in a car and you call your significant other, complaining about the traffic. "Sorry, imma be fifteen minutes late, this traffic is ridiculous." WORST ANSWER: "I told you to leave fifteen minutes earlier; it's traffic hour now!" THAT'S NOT SOLVING MY PROBLEM. I'm obviously already in traffic, WHY do I need you to tell me about something I SHOULD HAVE DONE. IT'S TOO LATE NOW. You're just being condescending. Now, for a solution I would actually appreciate: "Get off on the next exit; there's no traffic there and you can take local, you'll get here 10 minutes earlier". WHO WOULD BE MAD AT YOU FOR GIVING THAT KIND OF ADVICE. NO ONE WOULD, THAT IS WHO.
And this is why the "male-female communication problem" is a total sham.
Steampunk
So I'm always on Etsy, because you never know what cheap, cute things you can find on Etsy. Mind you, I never actually buy the things I see, but it's nice to window-shop sometimes. The problem with Etsy is that, for every cute item, there are at least 100 ugly items all over that website. These ugly things include rainbow vagina rings, dead bees, and rhinestone-encrusted peach pits.Now, all these uglies, despite their inherent and obvious ugliness, I can endure. Someone, somewhere, loves wearing vaginas on their fingers, and I'm OK with that. What I am NOT OK with is steampunk. Steampunk jewelry, steampunk watches, steampunk goggles, steampunk EVERYTHING.
Steampunk according to Wikipedia:
Steampunk is a sub-genre of science fiction, alternate history, and speculative fiction that came into prominence during the 1980s and early 1990s.[1] Specifically, steampunk involves an era or world where steam power is still widely used—usually the 19th century and oftenVictorian era Britain—that incorporates prominent elements of either science fiction or fantasy. Works of steampunk often feature anachronistic technology or futuristic innovations as Victorians may have envisioned them; in other words, based on a Victorian perspective onfashion, culture, architectural style, art, etc. This technology may include such fictional machines as those found in the works of H. G. Wells and Jules Verne or real technologies like the computer but developed earlier in an alternate history.
What does this look like? HORRIBLE.
(via Etsy)
I almost don't want to post this picture because I hate steampunk so much. It's just creepy. The individual parts of steampunk items actually shouldn't work that way. They're dead, essentially: obsolete. So to bring them back to life and to make them work (or, "work") as if they were the equivalents of modern-day technology feels like bringing zombies back into the world of the living from the world of the dead.
My worst experience with steampunk came in my freshman year of college. My roommate was a video-game fanatic, and one day, she brought home the all-new Bioshock for her XBox. For those of you who don't know, Bioshock is a first person shooter game, set in a city where every citizen left is pretty much insane, because they started taking a supplement that provided superhuman powers but would leave one mentally and physically damaged if one were to stop taking it. Of course, supplies ran short, and the guy who initially found this supplement made little orphan girls crazy so that they could go harvest more of this supplement.
Now, all there is left in the city are these crazy orphans and the crazy citizens. Oh, also, STEAMPUNK ROBOTS. Seriously, Bioshock is a steampunk CITY. Imagine being me, coming home every day, and watching my roommate play this creepy-ass game about steampunk and crazies and killing orphan girls for their superhuman supplements. So not only is your technology back from the dead, but EVERYTHING AROUND YOU IS ESSENTIALLY BACK FROM THE DEAD.
(via Wikipedia)
OMG WHY.
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