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Sharks vs. lions

I have no idea how I happened to come across this video. I think I was having a conversation with someone on who would win in a battle between sharks and lions. I don't remember what the conversation was that led up to it. Then I Googled "shark vs. lion" and I found this.

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Steampunk follow-up


Also, let me zoom in for you:


(via Etsy and The Bloggess)
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Sassy Gay Friend

HAHAHHAHAHA. He saves the lives of weepy dramatic girls everywhere. Watch Black Swan AND THEN WATCH THIS.

(via Sassy Gay Friend Meme)


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I killed my first clams yesterday. 24 hours later, I still feel guilty for steaming them to death. I don't know how people can boil lobsters and crabs alive; clams look like rocks and I still feel like I did a horrible thing. I mean, I know people have that whole debate about whether or not invertebrates can feel pain and can suffer, but I feel sometimes that people just say that to make themselves feel better about squashing centipedes and boiling lobsters and things. Scientific testing is inconclusive, so I don't really believe that they absolutely don't feel pain. Which bothers me.

I don't really have a problem with eating shellfish if it comes to me covered in SAWCE and looking delicious. But the act of killing them makes me sad.

The problem is, I love eating clams. What a dilemma.
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The "problem" of male-female communication

While I love Modern Family, they did something this week that really irked me, because the premise of the "problem" they presented was totally WRONG. So there's this husband and wife in the show, a couple with two daughters. One of the daughters wore her sister's favorite sweater, and subsequently ripped it on accident on her way out of the house. The mom sees it, and, knowing that the other daughter would go batshit crazy if she found out her favorite sweater had been ruined, she decides to go out and help her daughter find exactly the same sweater to replace it, so that the sister won't notice.

(via Hulu)

Now, while she is in the car, she calls her husband and explains to him what she is doing, and how she's having a horrible day, and how she needs to drive around to all these stores to find this sweater, and how she wants him to make dinner because she's really busy. The husband replies, "you should just tell her; I'm sure she'll understand", followed with, "just get her a similar sweater; I'm sure she won't notice", followed by "I'm just saying there's a simpler way to do this" (paraphrased, of course). After she hangs up on him angrily, all the women around him are like, "Oh, no, she just wants you to support her, blah blah blah," and he's all like, "What, you mean she doesn't want me to solve her problems?" and they're all like "No, women just want you to listen to them". So the moral of the story is that men want to solve problems when women talk to them, and women just want someone to hear them out. BUT THIS TOTALLY DIDN'T HAPPEN HERE.

OK, so imagine you're this wife, right? What is the husband saying to you? He's pretty much saying that what you're doing is dumb, there's another way to do this that I THE AMAZING GENIUS THOUGHT OF AND YOU OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO DUMB. Because duh, this dumb wife definitely didn't think of just EXPLAINING it to her daughter. SHE OBVIOUSLY THOUGHT THROUGH IT. AND SHE OBVIOUSLY DECIDED THAT IT WAS A BAD IDEA.

So if it were you, what would you be mad about? I wouldn't be mad about him offering suggestions, I'd be mad about him thinking he was smarter than me and talking down at me because what I'm doing is so ridiculous compared to his brilliant idea. If you're going to help me solve a problem, give me a real solution. And if you don't have a good solution, DON'T SAY ANYTHING. Example: "I think she bought it at this store; you should go there and look." "She goes to this mall all the time, it's probably going to be somewhere there." "I know it's this brand, do you know where you could find that?" THAT'S THE KIND OF ADVICE I WANT. I've obviously thought through all your stupid suggestions and decided that my decision is the best. If you have nothing to contribute to my solution, really, don't say anything. Don't try to pretend you're smarter than me and that you came up with a better idea in the two seconds I just spent complaining about my problem.

Case in point: let's say you're in a car and you call your significant other, complaining about the traffic. "Sorry, imma be fifteen minutes late, this traffic is ridiculous." WORST ANSWER: "I told you to leave fifteen minutes earlier; it's traffic hour now!" THAT'S NOT SOLVING MY PROBLEM. I'm obviously already in traffic, WHY do I need you to tell me about something I SHOULD HAVE DONE. IT'S TOO LATE NOW. You're just being condescending. Now, for a solution I would actually appreciate: "Get off on the next exit; there's no traffic there and you can take local, you'll get here 10 minutes earlier". WHO WOULD BE MAD AT YOU FOR GIVING THAT KIND OF ADVICE. NO ONE WOULD, THAT IS WHO. 

And this is why the "male-female communication problem" is a total sham.

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So I'm always on Etsy, because you never know what cheap, cute things you can find on Etsy. Mind you, I never actually buy the things I see, but it's nice to window-shop sometimes. The problem with Etsy is that, for every cute item, there are at least 100 ugly items all over that website. These ugly things include rainbow vagina ringsdead bees, and rhinestone-encrusted peach pits.

Now, all these uglies, despite their inherent and obvious ugliness, I can endure. Someone, somewhere, loves wearing vaginas on their fingers, and I'm OK with that. What I am NOT OK with is steampunk. Steampunk jewelry, steampunk watches, steampunk goggles, steampunk EVERYTHING.

Steampunk according to Wikipedia:
Steampunk is a sub-genre of science fictionalternate history, and speculative fiction that came into prominence during the 1980s and early 1990s.[1] Specifically, steampunk involves an era or world where steam power is still widely used—usually the 19th century and oftenVictorian era Britain—that incorporates prominent elements of either science fiction or fantasy. Works of steampunk often feature anachronistic technology or futuristic innovations as Victorians may have envisioned them; in other words, based on a Victorian perspective onfashionculturearchitectural styleart, etc. This technology may include such fictional machines as those found in the works of H. G. Wells and Jules Verne or real technologies like the computer but developed earlier in an alternate history.

What does this look like? HORRIBLE.

Steampunk Goggles Glasses AVIATOR magnifying lens loops---RARE-----Time Travel Crazy Scientist's Oculo-Vision Tool
(via Etsy)

I almost don't want to post this picture because I hate steampunk so much. It's just creepy. The individual parts of steampunk items actually shouldn't work that way. They're dead, essentially: obsolete. So to bring them back to life and to make them work (or, "work") as if they were the equivalents of modern-day technology feels like bringing zombies back into the world of the living from the world of the dead.

My worst experience with steampunk came in my freshman year of college. My roommate was a video-game fanatic, and one day, she brought home the all-new Bioshock for her XBox. For those of you who don't know, Bioshock is a first person shooter game, set in a city where every citizen left is pretty much insane, because they started taking a supplement that provided superhuman powers but would leave one mentally and physically damaged if one were to stop taking it. Of course, supplies ran short, and the guy who initially found this supplement made little orphan girls crazy so that they could go harvest more of this supplement.

Now, all there is left in the city are these crazy orphans and the crazy citizens. Oh, also, STEAMPUNK ROBOTS. Seriously, Bioshock is a steampunk CITY. Imagine being me, coming home every day, and watching my roommate play this creepy-ass game about steampunk and crazies and killing orphan girls for their superhuman supplements. So not only is your technology back from the dead, but EVERYTHING AROUND YOU IS ESSENTIALLY BACK FROM THE DEAD.

(via Wikipedia)

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Dubstep Lion King


(via musigh)
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Bacon gladiators


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Adult onesie PJs.


(via Cushzilla and The Bloggess)
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I'm going to start a running tally on words that people spell wrong.

Segue - a Segway is a silly electric scooter.
Piqued - you're not climbing a mountain when something "peaks" your interest.

More to come.
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So that ugly tentacle-faced pirate in Pirates 2 is a cthulhu. Wikipedia:
Cthulhu is a fictional cosmic entity created by horror author H. P. Lovecraft in 1926. The first appearance of the entity was in the short story "The Call of Cthulhu" published in Weird Tales in 1928.
A picture:

But I knew all this already. What I didn't know was that people made arguably cute stuffed animal cthulhus.

Buy them here!