So I'm always on Etsy, because you never know what cheap, cute things you can find on Etsy. Mind you, I never actually buy the things I see, but it's nice to window-shop sometimes. The problem with Etsy is that, for every cute item, there are at least 100 ugly items all over that website. These ugly things include rainbow vagina ringsdead bees, and rhinestone-encrusted peach pits.

Now, all these uglies, despite their inherent and obvious ugliness, I can endure. Someone, somewhere, loves wearing vaginas on their fingers, and I'm OK with that. What I am NOT OK with is steampunk. Steampunk jewelry, steampunk watches, steampunk goggles, steampunk EVERYTHING.

Steampunk according to Wikipedia:
Steampunk is a sub-genre of science fictionalternate history, and speculative fiction that came into prominence during the 1980s and early 1990s.[1] Specifically, steampunk involves an era or world where steam power is still widely used—usually the 19th century and oftenVictorian era Britain—that incorporates prominent elements of either science fiction or fantasy. Works of steampunk often feature anachronistic technology or futuristic innovations as Victorians may have envisioned them; in other words, based on a Victorian perspective onfashionculturearchitectural styleart, etc. This technology may include such fictional machines as those found in the works of H. G. Wells and Jules Verne or real technologies like the computer but developed earlier in an alternate history.

What does this look like? HORRIBLE.

Steampunk Goggles Glasses AVIATOR magnifying lens loops---RARE-----Time Travel Crazy Scientist's Oculo-Vision Tool
(via Etsy)

I almost don't want to post this picture because I hate steampunk so much. It's just creepy. The individual parts of steampunk items actually shouldn't work that way. They're dead, essentially: obsolete. So to bring them back to life and to make them work (or, "work") as if they were the equivalents of modern-day technology feels like bringing zombies back into the world of the living from the world of the dead.

My worst experience with steampunk came in my freshman year of college. My roommate was a video-game fanatic, and one day, she brought home the all-new Bioshock for her XBox. For those of you who don't know, Bioshock is a first person shooter game, set in a city where every citizen left is pretty much insane, because they started taking a supplement that provided superhuman powers but would leave one mentally and physically damaged if one were to stop taking it. Of course, supplies ran short, and the guy who initially found this supplement made little orphan girls crazy so that they could go harvest more of this supplement.

Now, all there is left in the city are these crazy orphans and the crazy citizens. Oh, also, STEAMPUNK ROBOTS. Seriously, Bioshock is a steampunk CITY. Imagine being me, coming home every day, and watching my roommate play this creepy-ass game about steampunk and crazies and killing orphan girls for their superhuman supplements. So not only is your technology back from the dead, but EVERYTHING AROUND YOU IS ESSENTIALLY BACK FROM THE DEAD.

(via Wikipedia)



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