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Puccini mushrooms?

This ad would be funny if kids actually knew what porcini mushrooms were.









(via an ad.)
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OMG Facts and Microsoft Excel

Whoever created OMG Facts in February of this year was a genius. I don't know how it took me so long to find this amalgam of unnecessary facts. This is like Internet nirvana. Did you know that there was a ship buried underneath the World Trade Center excavation site?

On a related note, I was reading said site today and found out that, no joke, Excel spreadsheets DON'T scroll forever. I quote:


"In the old version of Excel, you can only scroll over as far as column IV and you can only scroll down as far as row 65536. As of the 2007 version you can go as far as column XFD and row 1048576."

COOL

(via OMG Facts)
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"Let the Bodies Hit the Floor"

So I was watching RayWilliamJohnson's Youtube videos and stumbled across a parrot in a death metal band.

The original for comparison purposes:




And the parrot:

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"Moreish"

Foodie term. I had to look up what it meant. "Addictive".
Etymologically it makes sense. "Moreish". "I want more... ish." Who came up with the word? Why was it necessary? And why does "moreish" sound so educated when you don't think about it, but when you do, it sounds stupid?
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Sing-a-ma-jigs

Children's programming has been getting weirder and weirder. Who came up with the concept of Yo Gabba Gabba! anyways? How did that meeting go down?

"Let's make a show with a man wearing an orange unitard and bearskin singing about his plastic toys who then come to life and talk about digesting food."

You know what else has been getting weird? Children's toys. Like these things.


That entire commercial was made without one coherent word of English.

Even more disturbing: am I the only one who thinks the shape of their lips looks a bit inappropriate? Especially this pink one.
























(via Amazon)
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South Park - Food Network episode

HAHAHAHAHA Giada/Alton/Gordon Ramsay.

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Rick Ross's ridiculous bling

There is WAY too much exposed Rick Ross in this picture. Also, what does it mean when rappers stop wearing Jesus bling and start wearing bling depicting themselves? That has to be some kind of meta.



















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Helena Bonham Carter in Maxim

I remember I had looked up Helena Bonham Carter's crazy on Google Images before, and I definitely remember seeing some strangely "hot girl" pictures of her in a corset. Totally disregarded it, until I realized today that THOSE PICTURES WERE FOR MAXIM.

Helena Bonham Carter, also known as Marla the junkie in Fight Club, Mrs. Lovett in Sweeney Todd, the Red Queen in Alice in Wonderland, and Bellatrix Lestrange in Harry Potter. All of which are roles which necessitate crazy.


























In case you doubted the authenticity of her crazy, she dresses like this in real life. See BAFTA awards below, with her equally crazy husband Tim Norton.
































I think she's great, actually, both in spite of and because of her crazy. BUT WHAT IS THIS. Maxim August 2001, you guys, that is what. SHE EVEN HAD THE COVER.

























(via Maxim)

























(via Amazon)

I never thought I'd see the words "be a sex genius" next to a picture of Helena Bonham Carter. She's hot, sure, but it's HELENA BONHAM CARTER. I feel like there should be a maximum repelling force between her and Maxim, just by definition.

Incidentally, I have realized that I don't know how to refer to Helena Bonham Carter besides using her full three-word name. "Helena" doesn't work (sounds like the Greek goddess), nor "Bonham" (sounds like a British side alley street), nor "Carter" (reminds me of Lil' Wayne). HBC? Suggestions, please.

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Grover and Old Spice

I know that Sesame Street has a long history of taking pop culture and reinterpreting it with fuzzy puppets. I know this. But I can't resist.

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GET COOKIE MONSTER ON SNL

Cookie monster needs your help to get on SNL! Go to http://bit.ly/CookieSNL and like his Facebook page. "Macgruber" = "Macarooner"? Genius. Watch his audition tape below.





(via The Washington Post where, incidentally, I had actually been looking up details of the Michael Brea murder rampage)

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Jersey Circus
























(via Jersey Circus)
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Snoop Dogg loves Vevo











"So if you ain't up on thangs..."

(via Vevo)
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Sexy romance novel titles continued

I found my own "sexy romance novel titles" on the main page of Amazon ("Kindle eBooks"!)























"The Bite Before Christmas"?? CHRISTMAS THEMED VAMPIRES. Author Heidi Betts has compiled a slew of "holiday themed novellas". How about "All I Vant for Christmas" (because all vampires have a faux-Transylvanian accent)? "A Vampire in Her Stocking"? Or, if you're feeling peckish, "It's a Wonderful Bite"? THREE STORIES IN ONE BOOK, YOU GUYS.

Of course, this led me to follow the breadcrumb path down "Customers who bought this item also bought"...























OK, so this book has a "ghost shrink", an "accidental gigolo", and a "poltergeist accountant".I don't even know what to make of those three characters, especially when they are so blatantly yet confusingly juxtaposed. Why are they ghosts? Why is only the gigolo not a ghost (actually, I think I know why)? From the description:
It’s bad enough to be sexually frustrated. But as a medium, it means until Lucy Cartwright gets some, she’s doomed. Oh no, not to death. Worse. To nightly visitations by recently deceased, wanna-be Cassanovas without the bodies to back it up. Then a living, breathing fantasy arrives on her doorstep, and Lucy thinks her dry spell is at an end.
WHAT?! Also, "Casanova" is spelled wrong. Giacomo would be ashamed.

And THEN, of course, I had to read the comments and see what other masterpieces Vivi Andrews has produced. And she DID NOT DISAPPOINT.























AMAZING. And, as you can see, ALL OF THEM ARE AVAILABLE ON KINDLE. So get on it.

(via Amazon)
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Whip My Hair VIDEO

Remember when Willow came out with "Whip My Hair" a couple of months ago, and everyone said she sounded like Rihanna?

Well, now she has a video. BRILLIANT.



[edit] Apparently Willow is signed to ROC NATION?! 
Jay-Z said on Thursday morning (September 9) that he first heard the track before he knew it had been recorded by a 9-year-old. "I was like, 'Man, that record's a smash.' And then [Roc Nation partner] Jay Brown said, 'She's 9,' and I was like, 'Whoa!' And [then] he was like, 'She's Will and Jada's daughter,' and I was like, 'Whoa!' and it just went from there."
Jay-Z makes reference to Michael Jackson in interviews, saying that he started off in music at a young age as well (8 years old, as compared to Willow's 9). I don't know about you, but no matter how genius Michael Jackson was, I wouldn't want Willow to turn out that way. Just saying. Regardless, props.

(via MTV)

[double edit] OMG SESAME STREET VERSION.



(via Peace FM Online)
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The History of Rap

Snoop Dogg FTW.

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DJ Kitty



Jacked this from Jessi.
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"Celeb" tweets

Best one of them all:

(via TheBerry)

















Runner up because I love John Cusack (for no tangible reason):

(via TheBerry)














(via TheBerry)
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Sexy romance novel titles

I keep meaning to update my blog - I have an ever-growing queue of interesting websites bookmarked under my "Blog" folder on my computer, but I keep forgetting/not being able to find the time to actually write an update. This one was from one of my favorite websites, Go Fug Yourself. It's essentially a website which showcases the most ridiculous romance novel titles and plot lines to ever have been written in America. Sometimes I wonder how publishers can reject quality novels and pieces of writing (can we say HARRY POTTER - although it's not exactly New Yorker-pretentious quality) but allow these sorts of titles through.

So, to choose from my favorites:

"The Very Virile Viking": A Viking time-travels with his ten children to modern-day Hollywood, does some good old Headboard knocking (for real, I had never heard this song in my life, and I still haven't listened to it - I x-ed out of the window after copying the URL for that hyperlink. Come on, Hurricane Chris? You think I'm actually going to listen to that?), and fails to realize he's no longer in Viking land for the good first half of the book.

"Sex, Lies, and Leprechauns": WHAT? Leprechauns? And sex? Lies I can understand, but I really am failing to see the connection between sex and leprechauns. Do leprechauns even have sex in order to spawn, theoretically speaking? CAN they have sex? Aren't all leprechauns male? And if not, why have I never seen a female leprechaun before? Why doesn't the Lucky Charms leprechaun (arguably the most eligible leprechaun bachelor around) have a girlfriend?

"Discreet Young Gentleman": This one isn't even about the title. It's about the COVER. I can't keep this to myself.

(via Evil Librarian Supervillain)






















SO GOOD. Although it was better when I first saw the picture because I thought the large bearded man had his tongue sticking out, like a cobra about to devour its overly muscular prey.

PLEASE read the whole post on Evil Librarian Supervillain. It's so hilariously snarky.

(via Evil Librarian Supervillain through Go Fug Yourself)
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Willow Smith is awesome

I wonder how Will and Jada-Pinkett feel about being the birth parents and originators of a Smith Dynasty. Here's their 9-year-old daughter's first single. She is NINE. I mean, I know that the producer probably had a heavy hand in this release, but let's be serious: this tops Lil' Wayne's creepy "Weezy" laugh any day.

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Young boy dancing to Asian pop music

A while back, I watched a video on Youtube of a small, chubby Asian boy dancing all the steps to Wonder Girls' "Nobody", complete with twee Asian girl attitude and "dance" moves. If you haven't seen it yet, it's worth watching below.


Now that you've gotten your daily dose of celebration of sexual identity (did you catch his bad girl snap at 1:30 and his tummy rubs at 1:36?), prepare yourself for more. 

 

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this the SAME KID?!

Now, if this boy were to grow up to be immensely cool and popular, one could imagine him showing the first clip to college friends without permanently besmirching his social status. A long shot maybe, with those spaghetti straps purposely pulled past his shoulders, but not impossible. But when your mom/sister/cousin/other female friend videotapes you happily performing yet another video in shortie-shorts, a black bra and a cut-up white tank top? Well then, my friend, I'm not betting my money on your becoming high school prom king. While his dance skills are above and beyond what should be expected of a child as young as he, society, alas, does not embrace his prowess.
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137 days of Happy Meals

Ever wondered what a Happy Meal hamburger and fries looks like after sitting out for 137 days?

Exactly the same as the day it was born.

Watch the slideshow at Refinery29.
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Concealed carry

Did you know that in three states, residents over the age of 21 are eligible for concealed carry of their guns/weapons without a permit?! WITHOUT. A PERMIT. OR a license. Surprisingly, Texas isn't one of these three states (although I hear that it's pretty easy to obtain a permit down there). Rather, the three states are Alaska (where there are very few people, but plenty of moose, so I guess it's not the worst thing in the world. But on that note, why would you need to conceal your weapon from the local elk population? Are they that smart?), Arizona (I don't want to think about the implications of that coupled with the recent spats over illegal immigration), and Vermont. Vermont, you say? I thought that state was full of suburbs, you say? YES. I KNOW. I did too. But apparently the whole movement towards deregulating gun laws started in Vermont.

This wouldn't be as big of a deal to me if I hadn't found out that these three states also do not require a permit/license to purchase firearms. WHAT IS UP WITH THAT. So you could just be walking around in the middle of Middlebury, VT, and EVERYONE AROUND YOU OF LEGAL DRINKING AGE COULD HAVE A GUN DOWN THEIR PANT LEG.

And speaking of permits and licenses to purchase, PLENTY of states do not require this sort of paperwork or identification to purchase a gun. This also scares me. I am just glad that the state in which I reside at least does not participate in this unrestricted concealed carry phenomenon. It makes me feel just a little bit safer knowing that the people around me are not legally allowed to stash Glocks in their suit pockets.

(via Wikipedia and The Arizona Republic)
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Laser Munnys

I have an unabashed weakness for Kidrobot, the producer and seller of expensive designer toys such as Labbits, Dunnys, and Munnys. Munnys, in particular, are blank DIY vinyl toys, which consumers buy at about $25 a pop (for the average-size 7-inch version). They usually come in white, so it gives buyers a blank canvas to paint, cut, color, or otherwise mutilate for their own pleasure.


A basic out-of-box Munny figurine with miscellaneous, blind-box, customizable items (via Kidrobot)



















Doesn't look like fun? Think again. Take a look at what some artists have made:


(Best in Show, mini MUNNY Mobile Contest 2007, via Kidrobot Munnyworld)




















Nananananananana BATMAN!!!!

As cool as Batman is, however, wouldn't it be so much more awesome to have a $625, laser shooting, custom Munny on display in your room?

(via Kidrobot)






















If X-Men's Cyclops came in Munny form, he would be reincarnated as this. LASERS. It has LASERS!
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Sebastien Tellier/Evgeni Plushenko on EUROVISION?!

I was listening to Sebastien Tellier's "Look" while researching his older albums on Wikipedia, when I stumbled across a sentence that interested me greatly:


On 7 March 2008, it was announced by Bruno Berberes, head of EBU delegation in France, that Tellier would represent France in the Eurovision Song Contest 2008.

WHAT?! Sebastien Tellier was on EUROVISION?! THE Eurovision, the one of dancing Moldovan saxophonist fame? So, naturally, I had to watch. It was campy, strange, and completely worth the 3:07 minutes of my night.



In the comments section, someone mentioned an ice skater in the Russian 2008 Eurovision entry, and I couldn't possibly miss out on watching that. So I did. Dima Bilan, the singer, did not seem particularly talented or interesting (his voice most certainly did not seem to merit his Eurovision 2008 victory), but when I fast-forwarded to the ice skating part of his number, I was shocked to see EVGENI PLUSHENKO, the 2006 Olympic gold medalist and 2002/2010 Olympic silver medalist in figure skating. THE Plushenko, who wore a sequined glitter faux-vest as part of his skating costume design in 2010 and is a 3-time figure skating world champion. Watch here.

What was most amusing about his performance was not necessarily that he was actually AT Eurovision (that was more baffling than amusing), but that he was skating on a VERY tiny ice circle around the violinist and singer. When I say tiny, I mean TINY. Definitely no room for triple axels or toe loops, and barely enough room for his arms to spread out without knocking the violinist in the head. The whole scene was reminiscent of a flamboyant, expensive European merry-go-round.

(via Daniel Aragay through Wikipedia)
















YES. ON THE RIGHT. THAT IS HIM AT EUROVISION. NEXT TO AN OPEN-SHIRTED MAN IN WHITE PANTS.
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Denny's "Fried Cheese Melt"

In the wake of KFC's infamous "Double Down" sandwich, it seems as if fast food restaurants have jumped on the anti-diet bandwagon and have begun marketing foods chock-full of saturated fats and cholesterol. Not wanting to be left behind, Denny's newest menu offering is the "Fried Cheese Melt", a sourdough grilled American cheese sandwich that adds fried mozzarella sticks into the mix. Here's a picture to show you exactly what this would look like.

(via Consumerist)














Not only does this plate include cheese wrapped around fried cheese, it ups the ante by throwing a generous serving of fries at you as well. Arteries around America are clogging as we speak.

(via Consumerist)
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Truly customized IKEA furniture

The Swedish furniture name generator. I am a bottom-heavy particleboard kitchen chair named SӒMMII.

(via Blogadilla)
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Triceratops

First, Littlefoot's Brontosaurus ancestry was banished from my childhood dreams by well-meaning scientists, who discovered that Brontosaurus excelsius never existed, and that the genus was just an incorrectly-identified Apatosaurus all along. Now, scientists are at it again: they're looking to get rid of Cera as well!

Researchers at the Museum of the Rockies (in Montana) now claim that, as Triceratops aged, their frills smoothed down to resemble the skull of a Torosaurus, and their skulls became thinner in the same areas at which Torosaurus fossils show two holes. These similarities, as well as other related research (such as the fact that no young Torosaurus fossils have ever been found), have led them to believe that Triceratops are actually merely younger Torosaurus, and not a completely separate genus. I don't know which name they're going to pick now that they've combined the two; I think Triceratops is the frontrunner for the genus name because of historical priority (meaning Cera's family tree actually would NOT be killed), but we will see if this becomes the case in the future.

For comparison purposes:

Torosaurus
(via Nobu Tamura through Wikipedia)















Triceratops
(via Nobu Tamura through Wikipedia)











In addition to these disappointing revelations (for me, not for the paleontology world), after some Googling, I found out that Apatosaurus, Brontosaurus, Torosaurus, and Triceratops were all discovered and named by the SAME PALEONTOLOGIST: Othniel Charles Marsh (Othniel?), one of the "pre-eminent paleontologists of the 19th century". Although differentiating dinosaur bones must have been infinitely harder in the 19th century than in present times (which is why I won't harp on these "mistakes" that he seems to have made), finding out something like this must be heartbreaking for all those die-hard Othniel fans out there.

(via Gizmodo)
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Sivaji

I was linked this video by a friend. THIS VIDEO IS AWESOME. If The Most Interesting Man In The World was partaking in Kingfisher beer ("The World's No.1 Selling Indian Beer!") in a parallel dimension instead of swigging Mexican brews in commercials of this universe, the guy in this video would be him. After some research, I found out that the video comes from the Indian film Sivaji (thanks to NY Mag). From Wikipedia:


The movie revolves around a well-established software systems architect, Sivaji, who returns home to India after finishing work in the United States. On his return, he dreams of giving back to society with free medical treatment and education. However his plans face a roadblock in the form of the highly affluent and influential businessman, Adiseshan. When corruption also arises, Sivaji is left with no option but to fight the system in his own way.

After reading the synopsis on Wikipedia, I still don't know where this intense fight scene comes into play; Sivaji seems to mostly be bribing corrupt officials and uncovering money laundering scandals throughout the movie. I'm sure, however, that somewhere along the way, Sivaji the Software Systems Architect reveals the secret gun-wielding and hip-thrusting prowess that we see in this video.



(via Today's Big Thing)
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Stephen Colbert as Kelly Bensimon

Watch Bravo TV exec Andy Cohen duke it out, Real Housewives of New York style, with Stephen Colbert. The cage match starts at 4:00.


The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Andy Cohen
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes2010 ElectionFox News

(via Go Fug Yourself)

Also, I just made a personal discovery. When one Googles Bethenny Frankel, this is what shows up in AutoComplete:




















However, Googling Kelly Bensimon gets you this:




















Now, I don't watch the Real Housewives (in any of its iterations), but I think a binary this severe paints a pretty clear picture of what I would get if I decided to turn my remote to this show one day.
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Kanye's Twitter

KANYE IS ON TWITTER. And it is just as "stuntastic" as your wildest dreams ever would have allowed. Although less than three days have passed since he started his Twitter, multiple golden drops of wisdom have already fallen from his magical keyboard.

Memorable quotes include:

man when you take BABYMAMAJETS there's no stuartist
Leonard Bernstein is the shit!!! Hit flute player is snapping write now!!! Are those Christmas bells?
I specifically ordered persian rugs with cherub imagery!!! What do I have to do to get a simple persian rug with cherub imagery uuuuugh


Yes, he did spell stewardess as "stuartist". And yes, he did indeed mix up the words "right" and "write". Therefore, IF YOU ARE NOT FOLLOWING HIM, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR. I understand that following him will only serve to further blast his overgrown ego into the stratosphere, but if that is the cost of reading ridiculous Twitter posts every hour of the day, I will accept it willingly.


(via Go Fug Yourself)

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Roadkill beer

Man, I thought this was a joke the first time I saw it, so I skipped over the post. And THEN I assumed that the animals were fake, so I didn't think it was that interesting. But then I realized that the post was real, and the animals were real.

Don't know what I'm talking about?

The Scottish brewery BrewDog has made a 55% ABV beer (ABV is Alcohol By Volume. To really understand the significance of this number, consider that most beer has an ABV of between 4-6%. Vodka has an ABV usually of around 40%. YEAH.) called "The End of History". 
 
A quote from their website:
 
This blond Belgian ale is infused with nettles from the Scottish Highlands and Fresh juniper berries. Only 12 bottles have been made and each comes with its own certificate and is presented in a stuffed stoat or grey squirrel. The striking packaging was created by a very talented taxidermist and all the animals used were road kill. This release is a limited run of 11 bottles, 7 stoats and 4 grey squirrels. Each ones comes with its own certificate of authenticity.

What striking package, you ask? BEHOLD:

(via BrewDog)

















Unfortunately, they've sold out of this beer and, therefore, its packaging, so if you were planning to drop about $650 (for a stoat) to $900 (for the grey squirrel), it looks like you're going to have to find a willing seller on eBay.

(via The Daily What)
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Teddy bear invasion

Real, bloodthirsty bears have existed for centuries. Teddy bears have reportedly existed since the early 1900s. Teddy bear AT-AT's, however, have only recently emerged as society's latest menace (00:58). See below.

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Snoop Dogg

I don't think I can fully describe just how much I enjoy Snoop Dogg's buttery-smooth rapping voice. Now Snoop isn't exactly the youngest cat around the block, especially if you compare his fairly extensive career with newcomers like Lil' Wayne and The Cool Kids. However, unlike Lil' Wayne's headache-inducing croak of a voice, Snoop Dogg has always retained his silky smooth rap sound, regardless of his slightly creepy physical appearance (come on, he has a pimp cane and a full suit covered in cupcakes in the "California Gurls" video). I forget all about the often inane lyrics that haunt most popular rap when I listen to Snoop, even when it is his own lyrics which are inane.
But Katy Perry's new radio hit is not what this post is about. This post is about how Snoop Dogg recently tried to rent out the country of Liechtenstein. The WHOLE COUNTRY. All for his new music video. Unfortunately for him, he didn't give Liechtenstein enough of a heads-up, and the deal fell through, according to The Daily Mirror. However, a local property lease agent, which the Mirror would like you to believe was the counterparty to Snoop in this deal (I don't know if he is, but it isn't really spelled out in the article, and I'm inclined to doubt the Daily Mirror because it's a British tabloid), says that it would have been possible, if there had been more time.

So now you know. If you ever get boatloads of money and have no idea what to do with it, you can rent out AN ENTIRE EUROPEAN COUNTRY. ALL FOR YOURSELF.

(via The Daily Mirror)

And, in case you forgot where Liechtenstein actually was located:

(via Wikipedia)




















It's in that small green circle. So small, in fact, that I actually can't see it on this map. It's in between Switzerland and Austria, so that's approximately where your video would be shot if you decided to rent out the country. If you like both those countries, then you're in luck.
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Europopped

This is why I love Go Fug Yourself's Jessica and Heather. They love websites like this one: Europopped, one man's ultimate collection of the latest and greatest in European music media. Listen to "Piña Colada Boy"; you won't regret it.



And see the website Europopped for even more magic.


Bonus: A GERMAN SONG DEDICATED TO TOAST.
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Stuart Pearce

... also known as the assistant coach for England's 2010 World Cup run. I know World Cup fever has already died down for the most part, but Stuart Pearce is worth listening to, not because I find his interviews particularly interesting content-wise, but because he sounds like the GEICO Gecko.

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and... the Jonas Brothers are going to Somalia

Yes, this is a little messed up too. But, if the Jonas Brothers are smart, they could totally spin this as a goodwill gesture and go to Somalia to do volunteer work and have celebrity exposure for their benevolent works.

(By the way, did you notice that both Justin Bieber and the Jonas Brothers have the same initials? Weird. 4Chan must have something out for those JB's.)



(via Faxo.com)
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Justin Bieber's going to North Korea

Well, maybe not. But if he doesn't want to back down on his promise, he's going to have to!

Silly Justin Bieber held a contest for his fans to vote on which country he would go to next on his world tour, without putting restrictions on which countries could be chosen. The website 4Chan encouraged people to vote for North Korea as a prank, and got 659,141 votes in the end, putting North Korea ahead of the second place finisher Israel by more than 30,000 votes. How do we know the votes are probably not indicative of the North Koreans' love for JB? Well, if you add up the highly restricted (i.e. denied) internet access for most of the country's citizens with the restricted media output in the nation, it doesn't look like many people in North Korea were very likely to be able to log on every 20 minutes to vote for the 16-year-old pop star. Even if Kim Jong-Il is a fanatical Justin Bieber lover, I still don't think that he would have been able to scrounge up more than 500,000 votes on his own time.

This is a little insensitive, if you think about the situation of the people actually in North Korea. But you kind of have to admit, it's pretty funny.

(via CBS News)


(via Faxo.com)
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Zombie extravaganza

I have not one, but two zombie-related stories for you guys today. Even though it's not anywhere close to Halloween at this point.



















(via Wikipedia)

The first is for those people that hate going to the gym, and can't manage to motivate themselves on the elliptical and/or the treadmill for the life of them; even though they have already told themselves that they need to get into the gym and lose those extra 5 pounds, their brain starts screaming "BOREDOM" at their poor legs and lungs and they stop within 5 minutes because they see that they only burn 10 calories per minute (which, by the way, is such a ripoff, evolutionarily speaking. Like, the average weight person only burns about 100 calories per 10 minutes at a steady jogging pace. IT TAKES 10 MINUTES TO BURN OFF A 100-CALORIE SNACK, which are supposed to be LOWER in calories than one's normal food. 10 minutes of agonizing sweatiness). Well, here's a motivation. ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE. If you live in Chicago, Excel Gymnastics Academy offers ZombieFit classes ("Fitness to Survive the Apocalypse"), which teach physical survival skills in the case of a zombie apocalypse - running, jumping over things, leaping from rooftop to rooftop (hypothetically speaking, of course, I don't think they actually make you leap across roofs in the class).

Of course, if you really think about it, zombies aren't exactly the fastest little munchkins around. They use dead bodies, meaning that their muscles are probably already in rigor mortis and can't really chase after you too effectively to begin with - running or jumping are probably a little too much for their stiff joints to handle. You could actually probably beat a zombie just by walking slowly in front of them and closing a door in their face when you got home. But all that is beside the point. See their website here.

The second zombie-related thing I found today was the Sacramento zombie walk. Sacramento has a ZOMBIE WALK, you guys. Or, rather, had. Judging from pictures here, I think the whole point was just to walk around dressed as zombies. They had a zombie happy hour, too, but I don't know what kinds of drinks "zombie happy hour" consists of. What do zombies drink? CAN they drink? Shouldn't their esophagi be too decayed to even consume liquor in the first place?

(via The Inquisitr and KCRA.com)
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Bastian Schweinsteiger

Best last name ever. Every time I hear the announcers say "SCHWEINSTEIGER" I am so impressed by the innate German-ness of this name. IT IS SO GERMAN SOUNDING. German sounding to the point that it sounds like a made-up "German" name, but it is FOR REAL.

Of course, he's also an awesome soccer player. But with an awesome last name like that, how could you not be?
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God Save the Queen

This post is much overdue, considering that I heard the tune for God Save the Queen on TV during the World Cup a good two weeks ago. The British should know this very well, but I don't know any Americans who are aware that the tune for "My Country 'Tis of Thee" (you know, "sweet land of Liberty, of thee I sing...") is actually stolen from the tune of the UK national anthem "God Save the Queen". I learned this when I heard a familiar tune on ESPN3 when I was looking away, and turned back to my screen in confusion, because I thought I had been watching the UK-Slovenia game, and not the US game. Never mind that "My Country 'Tis of Thee" isn't our country's national anthem; who remembers which song is our official national anthem anyways? I certainly don't; in fact, I'm trying to think of the tune right now and I can't. I don't think that makes me a bad American, I think that just means that they teach you so many patriotic songs in kindergarten that you can't keep them straight anymore. Like that song about "purple mountain majesties" (which I always thought strange because I never recalled ever seeing purple mountains in my life, but the mountains in the books where the lyrics were written were usually a purple which never existed in the natural world).

But yes! "My Country 'Tis of Thee" didn't originally have words about America. Instead, the words went like this:

God save our gracious Queen,  
Long live our noble Queen, 
God save the Queen:

Send her victorious,
Happy and glorious,
Long to reign over us,
God save the Queen.

See, if you try to sing it to the the of "My Country 'Tis of Thee" it fits perfectly. Funny how our first grade teachers taught us this song every day, but never mentioned that we stole it from the British.

And now, Queen Elizabeth II, in case you forgot who is on the direct receiving end of this British national anthem.


(via Wikipedia)
















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Johnny Weir's closet

I am completely aware that I post way too many videos. Yet life goes on.


Best quotes:
"I call it my Martian bubble-coat. I'd wear something like this to the grocery store."
"I would buy anything as long as it had an LV on it. I would even buy bread."
"I have a lovely fur tree. One really fun thing I have on here is this fur, kind of trapper hat. It has this really beautiful look, like this long flowing mane of, of fox. And then on top it's python. This is kind of a multisex hat."
"My closets are a constant swirl of happiness and movement."
THIS MAN IS AWESOME. (via NY Mag)


Best quotes:

"I call it my Martian bubble coat. I'd wear something like this to the grocery store."

"I would buy anything as long as it had an LV on it. I would even buy bread."

"I have a lovely fur tree. One really fun thing I have on here is this fur, kind of trapper hat. It has a really beautiful look, like this long, flowing mane of, of fox. And then on top it's python. This is kind of a multi-sex hat."

"My closets are a constant swirl of happiness and movement."

THIS MAN IS AWESOME.

(via NY Mag)
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Alyssa Thomas on terror watch list

Ok, so the title sounds innocuous enough. A seemingly innocent individual was discovered to be on the terror watch list, and was made to go through extra security measures before she was allowed to fly from Cleveland to Minneapolis. Seems routine, until you discover that Alyssa Thomas, an Ohio girl of Indian heritage, is actually 6 YEARS OLD.



The family was told to contact Homeland Security to clear things up with them, but the government has sent back a letter, addressed to Alyssa (who is, again, 6 YEARS OLD), that nothing in her file would be changed. Now, the no-fly, terror watch list is meant to protect Americans from people who have known or suspected ties to terrorism, so that they won't fly and cause another airplane terror fiasco (obviously). But this girl IS 6 YEARS OLD. Come ON now. We have reports of underwear bombers and Times Square bombers being able to get on flights with little to no trouble, and the government wants to prevent a 6-year-old girl from flying to Minneapolis. Ridiculous.

(via AOL News)
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Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Devon Aoki

If I were to have chosen any celebrity to date Joseph Gordon-Levitt, previous star of 3rd Rock from the Sun and most recently the male lead of (500) Days of Summer, I would probably have chosen just about any persona other than Devon Aoki, with whom sources say JG-L was holding hands with and kissing a few days ago. Here's a kid whose most recent movie had him hooked up with the adorably indie Zooey Deschanel, and now he's rumored to be with Devon Aoki, whose acting chops are most known from her appearances in Sin City and 2 Fast 2 Furious.

























(via Just Jared)
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Pink dolphins

Amazon river dolphins may not be oceanic dolphins like the ones that most people are familiar with, but as river dolphins, they still fit under a general classification of "dolphin", even though they are officially classified under a different taxonomic family than ocean-living dolphins. Besides being shockingly pink, they can turn their heads 180 degrees around, if that talent interests you.

















(picture via ISPTR)
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Simultaneous lightning strikes in Chicago

A Chicago Tribune photographer caught two lightning bolts striking both the Trump and Sears (now Willis) Tower at the same time during last night's mega-thunderstorm in Chicago. The resulting image was amazing, and looks like it should be on one of those motivational posters (although I can't imagine what the tag word would be for this picture. Teamwork? Possibility? Impossibility?)

See the photo here.
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Youtube's vuvuzela button

In honor of that never-ending droning heard at the World Cup 2010 games, Youtube has added a vuvuzela button at the bottom of some of their videos (from my research, it shows up not only on World Cup videos, but on some non-related videos as well). It pretty much does the opposite of what 99% of TV viewers want: instead of muting the vuvuzela sounds, it adds them to your video. All you have to do is press that little soccer ball on the right bottom corner, and you can feel like you're watching 30 Rock IN SOUTH AFRICA.

Edit: It looks like the button doesn't show up on externally embedded videos, so double click the video to watch in a separate window and try the button on Youtube's actual site. But I'm going to keep the video here regardless because I like this clip.



(via Techcrunch)
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BATMAN GOLF CART.

This is gold.






















(via This LA Life through Google Reader Play)
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Romanian stowaway

A Romanian man has successfully stowed away on a flight in an external wheel compartment while sustaining minimal injuries.

With all the pressurization that you feel within the cabin during a flight, as well as the frost on the windows that indicate below-freezing temperatures outside of the plane, you would think that a person would never be able to survive outside without certain death. But this guy managed to survive the flight between Vienna and London relatively unharmed, barring some bruises and hypothermia. He wasn't deported or charged - after being taken into custody by the Metropolitan Police in the UK, he was released with no charges against him. He didn't even have to worry about immigration or anything because, as both Romania and the UK are part of the EU, Romanian citizens are allowed to travel freely to London. 

Under normal circumstances, this guy probably wouldn't have survived, so don't try it at home. The plane reportedly had to fly at lower altitudes than normal because of stormy weather, meaning that oxygen levels were still enough to sustain him. If the plane had flown at normal heights (i.e. higher), the lack of oxygen probably would have knocked him out or killed him, not to mention the effect of the colder temperatures at higher altitudes (it was already around -41F at the level the plane was at, so that was BUTT COLD as it was). If he had fallen unconscious, when the wheels came down again, he could have just fallen out and died that way, even if he had managed to find the right spot to hide in so that the wheels wouldn't have crushed him coming up in the first place.

Man, this guy is really lucky. He manages not to die while essentially being holed up outside of the plane for hours, and then he gets off scot-free with the police as well.

(via BBC)
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Hello Kitty petrol

Oh look, Hello Kitty-branded gasoline. $32 for 3L of the stuff. Thanks Japan.

























(via designboom)
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Refs at the World Cup

So after the scandal of Koman Coulibaly and the USA-Slovenia game, I thought that the big refereeing controversies would be over, at least for a little while. After all, how many controversial calls can you fit into the course of a weekend?

I was proven wrong. There were plenty, such as in the Germany-Serbia game, where there were 9 (9!!) yellow cards called in that single game alone. And then, in the Brazil-Ivory Coast game, two handballs were committed in Brazil's second goal, but neither one was spotted by either the refs or the players.


But I think the most mind-boggling one I witnessed was during Sunday's same Brazil-Ivory Coast game. In the replays, the Ivorian Abdul Kater Keita is running, knocks into Kaká (who isn't looking his way), and falls down, clutching his face, even though Kaká's arm had only knocked him in the chest. The ref apparently doesn't really see what went down, but sends Kaká off with a red card anyways, meaning that he's not allowed to play in Brazil's next game against Portugal. Of course, Brazil is already through the group stage, so it's not really that big of a problem, but still. You can see the footage below. What dirty playing from Kader Keita - go to :20 for the action.




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Forever 21 wedding bands

Forever 21 makes wedding bands now! If you're looking to save some money on not just your nightclub dresses and 5-inch platform heels, but your big day expenses as well, look no further. For $4.80, you can get Forever's "I Do Ring Set", which comes with both a wedding band and an engagement ring. The website claims that the two are made of metal, but it doesn't specify what kind, and the stones are obviously cubic zirconia, not diamond. But it's $4.80!

(via Forever 21 through The Frisky)
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Heather Morris in "Videophone"

Forget about the camera head people and the multicolored plastic guns of Beyonce and Lady Gaga's "Video Phone". This version is so much better. Heather Morris and fierce man in the pink tutu for the win.




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Italy vs. Paraguay and Fabio Cannavaro

I watched the Italy vs. Paraguay game today on ESPN and was listening to the commentary that the announcers were making. This was refreshing, because the other day, I had to watch the games on WGBO, or the Spanish-speaking channel in Chicago, because other networks weren't playing the U.S. vs. England game. The only real thing I could understand from those commentators was when a team made a goal, at which point the announcers would shout "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOL" and it would be pretty obvious that something big had happened.

Anyways, the ESPN announcers were talking about the captain of the Italian team, Fabio Cannavaro. He's now almost 37 years old, making him one of the oldest players in the 2010 World Cup (behind England's goalkeeper David James, the oldest in the games at 39, who didn't play in the starting lineup of his country's first game but may soon replace Robert Green after the uproar over his goalkeeping skills against the U.S). Man, this guy is almost 40 and he is still CAPTAIN of his team.

And as I was watching, before my eyes, at 3:38 on the clock, Cannavaro does this kick like nobody's business in an effort to stop the ball:


He is at least 4 feet in the air, even though you can't see it on the screenshot. But look at his leg! He is pushing 40 and he can still bend like that? This wasn't even a very important moment in the game; the ball was about to go out and he was just trying to stop it. It wasn't like he was about to make a goal or anything. No wonder he's captain of the reigning World Cup champion team.

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Ohio cops

I haven't had a long-standing relationship with the cops in my area. Aside from a single speeding ticket I got in high school, my interactions with the police force in the past have been extremely limited. So I don't exactly have a bone to pick with police officers in general. But if a cop tried to bust me for speeding based on a hunch, with no further radar or laser-based evidence, I think I'd be pretty annoyed.

Unfortunately for commuters in Ohio, the Ohio Supreme Court just ruled this past week that a speeding ticket based only on an officer's reckoning of the alleged speed of the car in question is enough for a speeding ticket to hold. So, in short, you can't argue a speeding ticket down in court even when the cop is just guessing your speed. The officer needs "gauging speed" experience or training through the Ohio Peace Officer's Training Academy (or a similar training school), but even a rep of the Ohio Peace Officer Training Commission said, "It's kind of a dead-reckoning kind of thing". Learning how to do this kind of visual gauging doesn't even take up that much time in training. Reportedly, visual speed gauging is only a small part of a 5-hour unit of training,  and the officers are asked to watch 20 cars and estimate their speeds. If they get an average of 5MPH off of the actual speed, they pass.

Personally, I don't think that 20 vehicles is really a large enough sample size to determine an officer's accuracy of speed gauging, especially when money, points, and a speeding ticket are on the line.

(via Cleveland.com and autoblog through Google Reader Play)
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Harel Skaat

I'm still watching Eurovision, yes. But how does one resist Israel's Harel Skaat, also known as the REAL LIVE VERSION OF DISNEY'S PRINCE ERIC, one of Disney's great successes in Very Good Looking Disney Princes (along with Aladdin). Which makes Skaat a Very Good Looking Disney Lookalike Prince.

He gets a couple notes sour at the end of his Eurovision performance (unfortunate, considering his rehearsal videos showed him singing them on point), but the rest of his singing is quite lovely. I'm not just talking about him because he's cute; his voice is pretty decent too, especially if you Youtube his other songs.

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Eurovision 2010

I don't understand why American networks don't broadcast Eurovision. I would watch it ALL THE TIME.

For those of you who don't know, the Eurovision Song Contest is an annual show held within the countries of the European Broadcasting Union. Each separate country submits a singer and song to the contest, and the people watching vote through televoting or text messages (like American Idol). From what I discern, a tally of the scores within each country for each contestant determines who the country as a whole votes for (so whichever contestant gets the most votes within a country gets that country's vote).

So this year Germany's contestant won. Her performance, while lovely in its own right, was not EPIC. To see epic, you HAVE TO watch the Moldovan entry. The sax guy makes the performance, although the light-up violin is pretty good in and of itself.

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Twilight MasterCard

Best way to teach responsible spending habits: put Edward Cullen on the face of your child's source of money. They'll never lose it.


(picture via Risky Business/HR through Go Fug Yourself and NY Mag)











And in case you were wondering, this isn't a scam/made up card by a rabid Twilight fan. It's a real, coming-soon, prepaid MasterCard from MYPLASH.