The "problem" of male-female communication

While I love Modern Family, they did something this week that really irked me, because the premise of the "problem" they presented was totally WRONG. So there's this husband and wife in the show, a couple with two daughters. One of the daughters wore her sister's favorite sweater, and subsequently ripped it on accident on her way out of the house. The mom sees it, and, knowing that the other daughter would go batshit crazy if she found out her favorite sweater had been ruined, she decides to go out and help her daughter find exactly the same sweater to replace it, so that the sister won't notice.

(via Hulu)

Now, while she is in the car, she calls her husband and explains to him what she is doing, and how she's having a horrible day, and how she needs to drive around to all these stores to find this sweater, and how she wants him to make dinner because she's really busy. The husband replies, "you should just tell her; I'm sure she'll understand", followed with, "just get her a similar sweater; I'm sure she won't notice", followed by "I'm just saying there's a simpler way to do this" (paraphrased, of course). After she hangs up on him angrily, all the women around him are like, "Oh, no, she just wants you to support her, blah blah blah," and he's all like, "What, you mean she doesn't want me to solve her problems?" and they're all like "No, women just want you to listen to them". So the moral of the story is that men want to solve problems when women talk to them, and women just want someone to hear them out. BUT THIS TOTALLY DIDN'T HAPPEN HERE.

OK, so imagine you're this wife, right? What is the husband saying to you? He's pretty much saying that what you're doing is dumb, there's another way to do this that I THE AMAZING GENIUS THOUGHT OF AND YOU OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO DUMB. Because duh, this dumb wife definitely didn't think of just EXPLAINING it to her daughter. SHE OBVIOUSLY THOUGHT THROUGH IT. AND SHE OBVIOUSLY DECIDED THAT IT WAS A BAD IDEA.

So if it were you, what would you be mad about? I wouldn't be mad about him offering suggestions, I'd be mad about him thinking he was smarter than me and talking down at me because what I'm doing is so ridiculous compared to his brilliant idea. If you're going to help me solve a problem, give me a real solution. And if you don't have a good solution, DON'T SAY ANYTHING. Example: "I think she bought it at this store; you should go there and look." "She goes to this mall all the time, it's probably going to be somewhere there." "I know it's this brand, do you know where you could find that?" THAT'S THE KIND OF ADVICE I WANT. I've obviously thought through all your stupid suggestions and decided that my decision is the best. If you have nothing to contribute to my solution, really, don't say anything. Don't try to pretend you're smarter than me and that you came up with a better idea in the two seconds I just spent complaining about my problem.

Case in point: let's say you're in a car and you call your significant other, complaining about the traffic. "Sorry, imma be fifteen minutes late, this traffic is ridiculous." WORST ANSWER: "I told you to leave fifteen minutes earlier; it's traffic hour now!" THAT'S NOT SOLVING MY PROBLEM. I'm obviously already in traffic, WHY do I need you to tell me about something I SHOULD HAVE DONE. IT'S TOO LATE NOW. You're just being condescending. Now, for a solution I would actually appreciate: "Get off on the next exit; there's no traffic there and you can take local, you'll get here 10 minutes earlier". WHO WOULD BE MAD AT YOU FOR GIVING THAT KIND OF ADVICE. NO ONE WOULD, THAT IS WHO. 

And this is why the "male-female communication problem" is a total sham.


Post a Comment