I just read one of the most ridiculous articles ever published. The writer is Roe Conn, a 47-year-old radio talk show host who was named by Talker's Magazine as one of "one hundred most influential hosts in America" (at least, that's what Wikipedia says, and I'd be inclined to believe Wikipedia seeing as how I've never read nor heard of Talker's Magazine).

This 47-year-old radio talk show host wrote a page-long article about hipsters.

Bad news bears. Oh man, so many bad news bears everywhere.
"Today's hipster is easy to spot. He's often a nightclub owner with his own "production company" (read: He makes videos on his iPhone and uploads them to YouTube). He tweets about every conquest down to the joys of finding the best #gluten-free blueberry muffin @PerfectSouthBeachCafe. His uniform: Ed Hardy shirt and distressed-yet-somehow-dressy jeans, all topped with an oversize baseball cap drawn so deeply over his face that only his earlobes and nostrils are visible."

(Michigan Avenue Magazine, Summer 2011 edition, p. 80)


Apparently Roe Conn and I don't live on the same planet. Any self-proclaimed male hipster who tried to wear an "Ed Hardy shirt and distressed-yet-somehow-dressy jeans" into his local dive bar would probably get PBR deliberately thrown in his face. And I really can't even begin to picture what this "oversize baseball cap" would look like. Does he mean New Era? Because I can't think of one person who wears New Era caps who could hashtag #glutenfreeblueberrymuffin with a straight face. Shout out to 50 Cent!

I feel kind of bad for Roe, because it's obvious he tried. He tried so hard. But Roe, an elderly man outfit of vintage Clubmasters, elbow pads, and OG British WWII boots could totally make you hipster burglary bait.

You're closer to trendy than you think.


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